Okay... It wasn't that bad...

I am now at University yay! And all the worries I previously had have now faded away because I have realised it was all for naught.

Making friends is so much easier than you think it's going to be. If you're lucky, you get a good group of flatmates and they are helpful and kind.... Mine are... sometimes helpful and never kind (lol #banta) sorry I'll never do that again. They're a good group actually, sometimes it can be difficult being outnumbered by northerners, of which there are many. As well as flatmates there are many people who are in the same boat as you and, on the whole, if you shoot someone a smile, they'll shoot you one back and, if you've nothing to do, introduce yourself. The worst that could happen is that they ignore you. Simple really so there is no need to worry about that. Oh hindsight what a wonderful yet cruel thing you are.

The next thing I was worried about was space. To be fair I could have brought some more books with me and when I go home for Christmas I might grab a few more things, but my initial worry over there being no space was not something I actually needed to worry about, my room is quite "room-y" (if you'll pardon the pun) and I have plenty of space.

Drinking is, of course, a big part of freshers week, but I only went out once. Myself and my flatmate instead stayed in and watched all the Lord of the Rings movies and all the Pixar movies. I've never been a massive fan of clubbing so I am more than happy to sit in and watch a series of movies until I have square eyes. But even if you do go to the clubs you don't actually have to drink... To be fair I never heard the words "DOWN IT FRESHER!" so as far as I'm concerned that's a rumour, but like I said,  I've only been out once and it was with freshers so maybe I'm not the best person to ask.

The only other thing I guess I was worried about was the lectures. Now I'm only one week into actual lectures and my seminars start next week so I will have to get back to you after that. So far they've been fairly simple. Mostly just introductory stuff which is a bit boring for me because I have been introduced to Sociology two times already so I'm waiting for them to finish with the basics. I don't mind too much though because I have been in love with Sociology for so long that it doesn't bother me that I get to hear the same thing again. (I guess that's the benefit of taking a course that I am so so so interested in that it has yet to bore me so far)

I think that's everything for now, this is just like an update for you all because I have been absent for so long. Hopefully this helps out any of you going to University next year or any others who are just as worried as me and are going through the same thing right now.

Until next time,

Stephanie

Packing for University

So, I have been absent for a long time on this blog and the reason is simple, I have been trying to pack everything up to go to University and it is not easy. When I started this process I assumed that the packing up part would be the easiest, I have no attachment to my room and when I move out my mum will be moving in. It's not decorated, it's not personalised by me, it's just a room I sleep in and a place where I can get away from my family. So silly naive me assumed it would be easy, just pack it up and move on out... Oh how wrong I was.

Firstly like, how much stuff do I have?! I've been sifting through all the things I have collected over the past 18 and a half years, and I am stumped... What do I bring?

I've got a lot of books, but I can't bring every single one with me. How do I choose which ones to bring with me. My plan, and my advice for anyone else who is planning on going to Uni is to only bring a few books that you think you will actually read. (Bearing in mind that your University course will be keeping you busy and you might not have much time to read) plus there will probably be a public library somewhere near you where you can borrow books you really want to read.

I know one of my flatmates is really into movies and I have a laptop I can play Netflix on so I'm only bringing my complete Pixar collection for just in case. I don't see much need to bring every DVD I own as I don't watch them that often, I'm more likely to use Netflix or find movies online that I can watch, I've got Amazon video so movies are no issue for me. The same goes for TV shows, the only shows I enjoy watching are shows I can get on Netflix or Amazon video. By not wanting to watch live TV I don't have to pay for a license (although I'm not sure I've ever heard of a student getting in trouble for not having one... but if you want to err on the side of caution then you might want to get one)

Then there's clothes, I'm moving to North Wales, it's by the sea, it's going to be windy, however, I'm a naturally warm person, I don't feel the cold as easily, but I don't want to risk never using them... It's very difficult, I'm going to be bringing all the clothes I wear regularly and put them in those vacuum bags so I can bring a lot with me. Hopefully there will be space, but who knows...

Anyway, sorry for the incoherence of this post, I'm out of touch with this blog writing malarkey, but yeah, I'm looking forward to Uni and I'm sure it will be a lot of fun, but packing it all is a lot more stressful than I thought it would be.

Until next time,

Stephanie

No longer a Working Girl

It all started in late May 2013, a young 16 year old me had been looking for a job since March, when her mother told her a new Hobbycraft store was opening in Eastbourne and was hiring all ages and all availabilities, this was my moment, I applied and was told I would hear back in four weeks or less. Four weeks went by and no reply came from Hobbycraft so I forgot about it and asked for a volunteer position at the cafe inside out town's hospital. It was the day before I accepted my position there when Hobbycraft called me in for an interview just two days later. I told the woman running the volunteer ran cafe that I would have to delay the acceptance for a while, which she was very happy to do for me. So I went to the interview scrubbed up in my mum's blouse and an old school skirt (money saving skillz) and my recent card making (by recent I mean I made them the night before).

This interview was not what I had expected though, we were allowed to do some crafting and it was, by all means, fun, I made sure to talk to everyone, aware that we were being watched and this was clearly to assess our communication and social skills as well as our ability to learn new crafts. (I stuck to decopatch, something I knew I could do) and soon I was called in for my official interview.

It's worth mentioning that I was nervous during the introductions so I didn't listen or absorb the information they gave us of the names of the people who would be doing the interviews. The man interviewing me, it turns out, was my manager, but lord knows I didn't know that until after the interview, but I'm kind of glad, I probably would have been much more nervous if I had known.

The interview, as far as I was concerned, went okay, but I knew I had fucked up a couple of things, but I left and didn't think I'd hear from them again, but they called me and offered me a four hour contract, which was fine for me, I only needed a few hours every weekend as I was also going to be going to college that year.

The manager, it turns out, was awful, just truly awful, I found him irritating and just not very friendly, proven by his attitude on his last day when he quit and was just very rude to every customer. Luckily he wasn't there for very long.

Apart from him, I really liked my colleagues and I was paid money to do things I enjoyed and was already doing for free with my beaver scout group. I was very happy!

Unfortunately, though, the reality of retail soon caught up with me. On the whole I got on well with customers and I didn't mind doing the little annoying tasks like stocking buttons or fiddly paper craft stuff, but there was a handful experiences that made me understand how difficult retail can be.

One time someone asked to sniff my hair.

This is not a joke, a man literally asked to sniff my hair. It was scary. At the time I had a pink and blue ends on my hair (and they looked terrible, but that's not the point) anyway, for ease at work I wore my hair in two plaits either side of my head. This man had bought probably the cheapest item we offer, a small pack of chocolate buttons. I completed the transaction and was asking him things like how his day was, standard small talk. Then this happens:

"You have lovely hair,"
"Thank you! Would you like a bag with that?"
"Can I smell your hair?"
"..."
"Please"
"Sorry, no, no thank you, here's your receipt,"
"Please, I promise I'll leave once I've smelt it,"
"No, you may not smell my hair, is there anything else I can help you with today sir?"
"Can you at least tell me what it smells like, I just have this thing..."
"um... I mean... I use an apple scented shampoo so... Apples?"

He then moans/sighs and then takes his item and leaves. It was terrifying! It was probably the third most terrifying interaction I've had in my entire life.

Anyway, so apart from that and some very rude customers, I've actually enjoyed my time at Hobbycraft. My colleagues and regular customers have been wonderful to see every week and I am going to miss it!

I did look into a transfer to another store, closer to Bangor, but I had no luck, so I will be having to start somewhere new when I arrive at University.

But I have to lend my thanks to Hobbycraft for hiring me even though I had no retail experience and, despite some weird experiences, being a very very good first job. Thank you to my managers, and thank you to my colleagues and customers, and last of all a massive thank you to my mum for giving me a lift to work every day you can.

On to the next adventure.

As always feel free to leave a comment below, maybe tell me your experiences with jobs you've had.

Until next time,

Stephanie

Unforeseen Circumstances

Unfortunately there is going to be a massive delay in me getting any posts to you all today or tomorrow or maybe even Monday because my laptop has gone in for repair and I can't rely on my phone to run this blog.

Hopefully it will all be better by next Saturday and we can return to the normal schedule, but I will try to keep you updated. I still haven't decided what to write for Sociology Sunday so I guess this is kind of a blessing in disguise for me... *wink*

However the next Confidence post will be all about appreciating the face and the next "wild card Monday" should be about me leaving work.

Until then, I hope you all have a wonderful week,

Speak soon,

Stephanie

University!!! *Wilhelm Scream*

So I recently, like most 18 year olds in England, received my A level results and they were good, not amazing, but good enough. I got my place at Bangor University in North Wales where I also got a scholarship. All good things. I've spoken to some of my future fresher friends and overall I feel really good about the experience and the journey I am about to embark on. However, there are some things I have been doing that are stressful, but totally worth the effort before arriving in Bangor.


Tip number one: So the first thing I have done is compile a list of things to take with me to University, this has been, probably, the longest I've spent doing a single thing for Uni, but I wanted to make sure I would have everything together for the first day and that I wouldn't have any problems with a last minute rush to the shops before I can party like the fresher I am. Luckily my mum has been great and she has let me pick things out and we have slowly built up a collection of things to take to University with me.


Tip number two: Buy things in advance, non-perishables that can be packed up into boxes.

Tip number three: Make a list of things you want to buy upon arrival at the University e.g. food essentials.

Tip number four: I wish someone had warned me that maintenance loans and grants don't arrive in your bank account as soon as you begin. I, for example, have a week where I will have to rely on my own money. Luckily my accommodation money doesn't have to be in for a week either otherwise I would be screwed.

In terms of money, I am terrified I will spend too much on pointless things like clubbing and drinking and then have none left for food. My mother has promised me she will not let this happen, but, as I previously mentioned, we are a working class family and as such, we don't have much money to spare so I will be relying on government support (I can hear the Tory cries in the wind). Because of this I have been looking into different back account options as I, personally, may need to make use of an interest free overdraft.

Tip number five: Research bank accounts. So many of them will offer you freebies, but, you need to look beyond that. Whilst a free £60 gift card for Amazon seems like a good deal, it may not be exactly what you're after. So do as much research as possible into your card. (For UK residence I recommend going with Santander or HSBC) and don't forget, you can switch accounts at any time so don't feel like you have to stay with one bank forever.

Tip number six: Work out your budget before you leave. I am in the process of working out how much money I need for food, how much I need for accommodation and how much I will need to visit family during holidays. (train and coach fares for example) I think a good thing to do is make a list and then you know exactly how much you can spend on alcohol and parties etc.

Tip number seven: Ask for help. I spent ages thinking I would come across as silly or immature or codependent if I asked my mum or dad to drive me to University or if I asked them for advice. In fact I still get a little bit defensive and just yesterday told my mum she was treating me like a child and lecturing me where I didn't need it. But I do need help sometimes, I've never had to look after my own finances before. I'm quite an independent person, but this is a scary, new experience for not just me, but many others. No question is too stupid or too ridiculous, ask for the help, it is there if you need it.

And that's all the help I can offer at the moment, I want to keep offering help and tell you stories of my time as a fresher at Uni so expect some more Uni related posts, but for now, if you are heading into University remember to stay safe, stay calm and prepare!

Until next time,

Stephanie

Sociology Sundays: Marxism and Toy Story

Let it be known that I am a huge fan of Pixar, in fact, as I write this I am sitting in some Finding Nemo PJs and I have to say, the Toy Story trilogy is very much my favourite group of movies that exist, but there are some very interesting moments in it that I think Karl Marx might have a problem with. And being the loser that I am I will be combining two things I love, Marxism and Toy Story and telling you what Marx might say about this childhood classic.


The first thing we need to do is work out how the class system works within Andy's room. Whilst Andy and humans in general would be the obvious choice for ruling class it's also interesting to look at the dynamic between the toys so I will be splitting this into two sections. The Toys and The Humans.

THE TOYS

Firstly we should look at the main character, Woody, Woody is in a position of power, he runs Andy's room, and it all seems to be going well. From what we can tell, Woody runs the room because he is Andy's favourite. This is almost like the "god given right" Kings and Queens were bestowed in order to run a country. At first glance we would assume Marx would label this a bad thing, like he does with god given rights etc. however, I don't believe that it is as simple as that.

Whilst it is entirely possible to consider Woody a "Kingly" figure and Andy the "god-like" figure, the fact that it is okay for the rest of the toys, who all seem equal in their ranking after Woody, it could be looked at as a near-communist society with one person in power. This is, obviously, something Karl Marx would be close to liking.

If we also take into consideration that Buzz finds his way to the top very quickly and all the other toys migrate to like him we could argue that it is the choice of the "lower class" and, therefore, it is more of a chosen leader, rather than assigned. Woody is no more likely to be in charge than, say, Mr Potato Head, or Hamm, it is all to do with how the other toys perceive Woody.

Woody has also, it is assumed, been around longer than the other toys, which makes him more experienced, now whilst I am not 100% sure on Marx's opinion of electing the smartest person to lead a group, I know that Gramsci, is definitely all for "counter-hegemonic blocs" which means a group of in the know "working class" people using their smarts to overrule the oppressive 1%.

However, the only time where is it 100% clear who the oppressive toy is, is in the third movie with Lotso. He is a dictator with a group that do all the work for him in oppressing all the toys who step out of line, using devices such as CCTV, Prison and even torture (the sandbox). This is, personally, one of the best aspects of Toy Story 3 and, of course we get the brilliant line from "Marxist Barbie"...

THE HUMANS

As I mentioned before, within Andy's Room the Toys appear to be happy to be ruled over by Andy, he is like a God to them, someone they look up to and rely on, even after he has thrown out a lot of the toys. Heck Woody loses the his love interest, Bo Peep all because Andy grew too old for her, but Woody looks up to Andy in a way that this doesn't deter him at all. This is something Marx hated. He hated religion, he called it "the opium of the people" because it was and is something that some people blindly follow even if they don't agree with everything they are doing. It is something, according to Marx, that wealthy people created to keep the poor subdued. Lenin called it "spiritual gin" and this seems to be the case for Woody and his friends. They all follow Andy or Bonnie (presumably) no matter what. Heck, Jessie was cast aside by Emily and even she eventually gave into another human.

What Woody does with Sid is a perfect example of a revolution from the "underclass" the toys all group together to prevent another injustice being done aka the killing of one of their kind. This, to me, is amazing, it is exactly what Marx wants from all the working class people in the world and it is exactly what I want to see in my favourite movie series of all time. 

Thanks Pixar for introducing adult themes into kids movies, they have influenced me so much in my interest in politics and other issues like pollution, bravery, and feminism. (See Wall.E, Monsters Inc, and Brave)

So yeah, there are a few thoughts I had about Toy Story, this was fun for me, I basically got to combine two of my favourite things.

I haven't decided on a topic for next week so let me know what you would like to see and I will give it a go.

Until next time,

Stephanie

Confidence Series: Skincare

It took me a long time to realise that caring for my skin would make me feel completely different about myself. I have combination skin in that it can get very oily around my T-Zone and it can also get very dry around my eyebrows and beside my nostrils. Growing up I was lucky that the combination cancelled each other out very well and I suffered from little to no skin problems at all.

When I finished going through puberty my skin started to get more spots. I had, naively assumed that my skin would not get bad because I was through puberty. I was wrong, and I didn't help it by getting the ugliest full fringe I could possibly get. What this meant was I began getting a lot more spots due to the speed with which my fringe got greasy and by the sheer oil build up on my face.

I began to combat it with the clean and clear exfoliating scrub, but it didn't really work well because I could not be bothered to do it every night along with everything else and when I was busy I forgot and my skin went to shit again, but I bring good news... I have found ones that do not require rinsing which means I can just get some cotton wool pads and wipe my face clean without leaving my bed. And if I'm running late I can take the items with me... Of course, that's if I don't want to do makeup before I leave.

My treatment now consists of using: Garnier Micellar Cleansing Water to remove make-up; Clean and Clear deep cleansing lotion; Clean and Clear blackhead clearing cleanser; and Nivea Toner. I genuinely felt a difference after one treatment. (This isn't sponsored by the way, but if any of these companies want to hit me up I am not opposed to it)

Moisturising is also something I don't have the time for and... confession time, I don't currently use a moisturiser, although it is next on my list of things to introduce to my daily routine.

So tip number one: Find a skin care treatment that suits your schedule and your needs. (Toner is a must have in my opinion, it makes your pores smaller and less prone to blackheads)

This has made me feel better about not wearing makeup and actually it has made me feel better at wearing make-up which was a surprise to me, but the make-up looks better on skin with smaller pores and smoother skin.

That is the perfect segway onto the next topic: makeup. As I have discussed before, makeup is just something fun for me to do when I have half an hour to spare in the morning or for if I want to look extra hot for a night out. And like I have discussed previously, I used to feel like I had to wear make-up and I used to think the only way to feel good about myself was to wear make-up.

It was quite easy for me to get comfortable not wearing make-up. What I chose to do to help me feel more confident in my skin and with my face was to not wear it for a weekend when I knew I wasn't going anywhere. And I mean I stayed at home all weekend, I only went out to the shops once and I felt okay about what I had done, then I went a whole week without make-up and that meant going to school. (If you are more attached to make-up than I am then try lessening the amount you wear for a few days until you feel ready, this is all about you feeling comfortable) Soon I found myself enjoying having more sleep and not worrying about look 100% all the time. It's stressful, and most people didn't notice, or they at least didn't say anything. I received a few "you look tired" comments, but soon no one said anything and I felt great.

Now I wear make-up more again because I enjoy the process of putting it on and I enjoy trying out new products. The only other thing I can suggest in terms of make-up is to not use make-up wipes to remove it because they can increase oil build up or decrease moisture. (Of course they are still better than nothing so use them if nothing else is on hand) And also, just have fun, make-up hasn't always been a thing and I'm sure there will come a time where it is less expected of women to always wear it.

Tip two is: Have fun with make-up and take care in removing it!

The final thing I want to discuss with you in terms of skincare is to remember that it's your skin and no one else can really have any power over it other than you and if you have a few spots or imperfections, just rock them, most people get face spots and most people understand that sometimes you need to let them be free from make-up.

Of course I can't comment on birthmarks as I wasn't born with any significant one's on my face, but I would love to hear any other tips you guys have, and any products you think I should try out!

To get more comfortable with my skin I did that stereotypical thing of looking in a mirror and identifying parts of my skin that looked good. Like the little freckles I have over my shoulders. I also recommend being naked with yourself. I know that might seem taboo to talk about on a blog that I know my friends and family read, but I feel it's important to be as confident as you can about aspects of your own body and one way to do that is to be naked (As it was intended *ding*)

Tip three, therefore, is: Love yourself and the skin you're in and embrace parts of yourself you find difficult to live with!

That's all for now, next week's installment of the Confidence Series will be about the face in general and how to feel good about your overall face area.

Until next time,

Stephanie

The Devil's Drink (Alcohol)

By "drinking" I do mean alcohol so to clarify, I am 18 years old which is the legal drinking limit in the UK where I live. Okay, that's that out of the way... I'd show you my ID, but I forgot it so "Please bartender pretend I did show you". For real though I am 18.

Right, so I'm not going to lie I had had alcohol before I turned 18 *pause for gasp*. My mum let me have babycham at Christmas and New Years every year from the age of 10. And of course she would rather I tried alcohol at home where nothing bad could happen so at the age of 15 I had a couple of glasses of wine with meals, cider when I felt classy, and beer (which I can't stand, but is good for drinking when I want to pace myself). As well as this I did go to a couple of parties where there was alcohol before I was 18, but I totally never drank any as that would be irresponsible. Especially never drank vodka straight, that's just downright dangerous... *cough*

Anyway, so by the time I turned 18 I already had the base foundation for drinking. I knew what I liked and didn't like and I was ready to go to pubs and bars with friends and choose drinks like the connoisseur I thought I was... Wrong! I quickly realised that my experimentation with drinks was just the tip of my scotch on the rocks (geddit, because iceberg... rocks=ice...  Oh how I amuse myself)

Currently my favourite drink is a rum and coke on the rocks with a lovely straw to protect my teeth with are sensitive and I don't want to discolour them anymore than they already are from coffee etc. (I'm British, we have bad teeth, it's in our nature)

Here are some pictures of the making of a rum and coke on the rocks with said straw:

But I know when reading something about alcohol all you really want are some funny stories... Okay here we go...

So the best story I guess is the time I was at my first house party... I didn't really know how to behave at one of these and it was my first time getting drunk. I did the usual, cry drunk, kiss people drunk, tell friends I love them, you know very typical, but there is one story I tell everyone from that night.

It was the first time I had met a lot of people at that party, I only really knew the host and three others, but I mingled and did the above. And then I was sitting next to this guy (who is now a great friend of mine) who for my safety (he will kill me if I attach his name to this story) we will call... Robert. So I was sitting in between Robert and this other girl talking to someone else when Robert, only an hour or two after meeting me empties his stomach onto my lap before passing out. It was bright pink vomit and it smelled so bad. I obviously made sure he was okay, let others deal with him properly and then went to clear myself up.

He, the next day, apologised to me time and time again and, of course, like the wonderful person I am, I forgave him. And, like the horrible person I am, I also hold it over him every time I do something bad to him... Like the time I got drunk and threw water over him... Oh god, I hate hindsight.

But yeah, now I'm one year older (practically a different person) I do handle my drink better (or at least I have at the most recent parties I have been to) and I no longer cry for hours on the floor or under a table with people telling me it's fine and basically ruining party atmospheres.

(Of course the funniest story is the time I went to stand up and fell straight back over and practically belly-flopped the concrete whilst my friend Marnie who is half the size of me in both height and weight tried to help me back up)

So yeah, drink responsibly, there's nothing wring with enjoying a night of drinking and making mistakes as long as no one takes advantage of you in your situation and you have fun. (Just don't do anything illegal like drink driving or anything like that)

Let me know if you have any funny drinking stories or what your favourite drink is in the comments below (If your not of legal drinking age then I'm sorry, this post isn't as relatable, but at least you can laugh at my misery.

Until next time,

Stephanie

Confidence Series: Introduction

I will be starting a new series where I discuss my journey on the path to confidence in myself and in my actions and thoughts. I was never a very confident person. After suffering with depression and anxiety in silence for so many years I hoarded a lot of self hate and found it was way easier for me to beat myself up over things than let someone else do it for me. (which they still did, as discussed in a previous post I was bullied).

It hurt less when they did it because they were just confirming what I already know, but I'm getting better now, my confidence has probably tripled by now and it only grows each day. And I want to make note of this journey I've been on and maybe impart some wisdom on the way so join me, if you will, and see what I have to say on the topic.

I look forward to seeing your responses to the first post which will be going up on Friday 14th at 8pm GMT. (So that's London time)

Until then,

Stephanie

The Sociologist Series: Marxism and Schooling

I don't know if I ever mentioned this, but I have been studying sociology for four years and one topic that interests me more than almost anything else is looking at our education system and looking at the way others perceive it. I will warn you now that because of this I have created my own bias towards these topics which, for me at least, are justified. That being said I am always open to new ideas, but for now I will just write what I know.

Marxists are, perhaps, my favourite group of sociologists, from Althusser to Zaretsky (see what I did there?) and I find the Marxist approach to education particularly enthralling. I don't know what it is about their approaches, but they all make so much sense to me.

An outline of the Marxist perspective on education:

So Marxists believe that society is split into two classes, the working class and the ruling class. The ruling class are the richest people who run businesses etc. and the working class are... well workers, they work for minimum wage and are, according to Marxists, oppressed. This translates into the school system as well. With public and private schools running alongside one another there are bound to be a few children with a better chance in life than others. As well as this parents with more money are able to provide essential and non-essential items to help their children out with homework and they can provide tutors when their child is doing less well in certain subjects.

Whilst there are a few exceptions to this rule it's very rare that a child from a very low income family will be able to break through these barriers. It's not just a money issue, working class families have less interest in schooling because their parents and their parents before them etc. "got on fine without school". They can live without any qualifications and for them, school was a place where the richer kids were treated better... and the thing is, they're not wrong.

Sociologists Rosenthal and Jacobson, and Cicourel and Kitsuse all discovered evidence of "teacher labelling" in schools. They found that teachers labelled their students as "bright" or "stupid" based on their behaviour and willingness to participate.  The teachers would then treat the "brighter" students with more respect and lend them more help whilst the "stupid" ones were often treated as a nuisance.

But why do teachers do this?

One reason for teachers having to catagorise students is that they have to achieve an average grade score. Much like students, teachers have targets they have to reach in order to keep their jobs. For this reason they tend to leave the students who comfortably sit on the A/B border to work for themselves and leave those deemed "not salvageable" at D/E/F and focus all their attention on those on the C/D border to get more students to the average of a C. Because they have these goals it can be very difficult for a teacher to remain neutral with their students.

Another reason is just a general bias, yes "not all teachers" do this intentionally, but I'm about 90% sure that most teachers are human and humans have a bias on almost everything they come into contact with.  Even though I'm sure most teachers attempt neutrality it's not always possible. A teacher is likely to take in the overall attitude, appearance, and lifestyle (yes some schools do disclose personal information like children on benefit) and they definitely know if you are on free school meals, and they can then make judgements of the students and treat them accordingly. For example, if you turn up with messy hair, a stain on your shirt, are late for any reason, and have free school meals a teacher might class you as unkempt, lazy, and, if they hold the anti-poor bias that some middle class people do, they might even think being poor is wrong and you are just mooching off the government and "living off their tax money". This can result in poor treatment, less help and being ignored.

All of this is a vicious cycle and one that Marxists have pointed out on several occasions (much to the dismay of the government who hate to admit that there is a huge gap between the wealthy or well off and the poor)

Anyway, I truly could ramble on about this for days on end, but I won't. If you are interested in anymore information on Marxists and education I can recommend reading some of the scholarly articles on google here:

https://scholar.google.co.uk/scholar?q=sociology+of+education+marxist+perspective&btnG=&hl=en&as_sdt=0%2C5&as_vis=1

That's it for today, let me know in the comments what you think,

Until next time,

Stephanie

Falling Back in Love with Reading

It feels great to be able to say that I am back in the swing of things and reading and buying books after nearly two years of suffering with "reader's block"! It was terrible, I just couldn't get into any of the books I wanted to read or any that I had to read for my college course. (My friend Shannon has more than a couple of things to say about my lack of reading of The Great Gatsby)

Recently I went into town with my friend Glenn and bought so many books and I can't wait to read them all. I've started with something really easy to read, no plot, just a book full of advice. It's called "Life with a Sprinkle of Glitter" by a Youtuber called Louise Pentland. It's not that intellectually stimulating, but it has given me lots of great advice for University.

My next book will probably be Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn which is highly recommended by almost everyone, but especially my good friends Rachael and Shannon who keep talking about it and I'm getting serious FOMO so I am definitely going to read it before the end of the year.

I tell myself the reason I fell out of love with reading was just a combination of the time I was putting into College and work instead of trying to relax every now and then, and it has just been very difficult for me to find books that really entice me and it's made me very sad. (Reading was always something that provided me with so much warmth and comfort.)

But I think the real reason, if I'm honest with myself, is the bout of depression I have been suffering with. They say when you suffer with anxiety and depression you stop doing things you enjoy, or find little joy in them anymore, and I think that's true, for me anyway. I know depression is different for everyone.

When I came home from my time in town with my friend Glenn I just took a moment to look at the books, not even reading any of them, just flicking through the pages and feeling the rough paper against my fingertips. And the smell, I forgot how good books can smell, for me, they smell like home. I can't wait to lose myself in their pages, forget I'm turning them and forget the words I'm reading and just live in the story. I've missed that feeling so much and I have only just realised it, but now I am excited, excited to welcome back the part of my life I regret losing the most through this terrible dark time.

I can't for sure say that this won't happen again, but I hope more than anything that it doesn't, I am already leaving that place behind me and, with the next adventure of my life being University, and the distance I am planning on going for it, hopefully this can be a fresh start for me and my books.

Okay this has gotten seriously soppy now so I think I am going to leave it here and go and finish Life with a Sprinkle of Glitter so I can move onto the next book.

As always let me know what you think of this post and please recommend some of your favourite books to me so I can buy more of them!

Until next time,

Stephanie.

Dear 10 Year Old Me

Dear 10 year old me,

This is a warning.

You're about to go into Secondary school and only one of your friends from Primary school will be joining you. This makes you happy, but you don't know what's to come. You and she drift apart, it's not something that bothers you anymore, but at the time it sucked so much, you thought that was what would eventually happen to all of your friendships, but I promise it doesn't.

You make it through the first half of your first year with an abundance of friends, you have never been this popular before, almost everyone in your classes seems to get along with you and you have a nice big group of friends who seem to care for you, you even get a boyfriend (he turns out to bat for the other team, but you're still really good friends with him), everything seems to be going so well for you, but it wasn't destined to last. One by one you lose friends and you lose faith in the people around you ever liking you from the start.

Then the bullying starts. Everyone is turning against you, people you once called best friends, people you held on such high pedestals it's hardly surprising you fell when they did. By the end of your first year you only have one friend. But you don't mind because she is a good friend. It's the bullying that gets to you. It's relentless, you consider calling in sick, feigning an illness so terrible you never have to see those people again, but you love school so much that you keep going, no matter what you have to learn because that spark in you is still there.

But I have some bad news for you, you turn into a bitch, you pick on those less fortunate than you because you don't yet realise that you can be better than them and take the high road. You harbour all your hate for these bullies and you force others to endure that hatred, you feel better for a split second, it means someone else understands how you feel, but then you feel guilty because you feel like shit and to realise that you made someone else feel this way makes it feel like a knife is being stabbed into your stomach and twisted round and round until there's nothing left. But you don't learn until much later.

Second year ends and you still only have one friend, but you enjoy your summer with your family, always with your family, never with friends. And when you return for your third year, that one friend you held onto through the bullying, stops talking to you. You don't know why and you begin writing lists of reasons someone could hate you, but reading back on them you realise these are just reasons you hate yourself and you do, you think you need others to justify your happiness. You cry out for a friend and one day...someone hears you.

You begin with one friend that you make in science class and through them you meet more and more people. It took you a while, but you got there again.

In fourth year one friend in particular becomes someone very dear to you and you have to admire her because she has forgiven you for all the shit you unloaded onto her in second year. There isn't a day that goes by that you don't thank your lucky stars to have found her because she inspires you everyday to be ruthless in dealing with terrible, poisonous people, and you used to be one of them for her. She slays you and all your faves. (And I'm sure she'll love reading this, I do hate being this sentimental)

Secondary school, for this reason, is both the best and worst part of your life so far. A lot of me thinks it's the reason you're still messed up emotionally (you were way worse until about a month ago).

And that's really what this letter is about, to remind myself and other people that it does get better. I've definitely taken myself to dark places that I thought I would never get out of, but a small group of people have helped me overcome this terrible sadness that loomed over me and I really want to credit them, but I don't want to do it on here in such an impersonal way. I hope you know who you are, whether it's comforting me when I drink and cry, when I sober cry, when I need a laugh, or just don't want to be alone, you all sit with me, invite me over for movie nights and just make my days brighter.

I love you all, and to 10 year old me I say, from this position I'm in now, I wouldn't change a thing because without those shitty years, you might not be where you are today.

Until next time,

Stephanie

Head's up...

The next post is in a very different format, and it is another honest personal one, very much like my  "Relationship with a Working Mother" this one will be called "Dear 10 Year Old Me" and it is a letter to myself when I was ten... 8 years ago... wow! So yeah, be prepared and let me know if it's not a style you like or whatever.

See you in a bit,

Stephanie

The Sociologist Series: Feminism and Women in Music

For a long time now more and more women have been making their way onto the charts and have been winning big time at award shows for music. Despite this growing representation of women in this section of the media, is there an institutionalised sexism in the music industry?

The first thing I should mention is that I am not in any way musically inclined, I only listen to what's on the radio and I am a massive mainstream pop fan because I love singing and dancing and that genre is easy to listen to, sing to and dance to, but I feel like for this topic it is the only section of music that is a necessity for me to look at as this is the music that every generation will hear when they are driving in their cars, shopping, or just watching tv.

The first female artist I want to look at is Nicki Minaj. Nicki Minaj is, perhaps, the most successful female rapper in history, for this reason she gets a lot of negative comments. Your basic "She can't sing" "So much autotune" "She's not as good as [insert male rappers name here]", but she also gets called a "bitch" for demanding respect from those around her and she is called a "slut" because apparently she is fucking every other male artist out there. This is the kind of abuse that someone like Drake or Lil' Wayne or Eminem would never suffer from. (Literally the only male artists I can name off the top of my head) They don't suffer this kind of abuse because if they slept with multiple women or had them gyrating against them in music videos (which they do) they are players, they are male role models. If one of them demands respect they are given the respect they crave. Nicki isn't. And Nicki knows that. In this video (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PzGZamtlRP0) she talks about the sexism against her in the industry she has chosen to go into. (I will not be mentioning the recent spat with Taylor when talking about Minaj's career and experiences as a woman because Minaj's problem was not about gender, it was about body image and race)

However, speaking about Taylor Swift we can mention this spat. In case you haven't heard Minaj
tweeted about the unjust nominations for the VMA's Music Video of the Year. Minaj's Anaconda was snubbed for the award despite it breaking multiple records and influencing our culture. After she tweeted Taylor Swift took it personally and basically called it "girl on girl hate" which was, frankly absurd. For a long time now Taylor Swift has done well in promoting feminism and she has been making massive strides for female success, but she jumped the gun a bit calling Nicki out on something that was never directed towards her in the first place. Minaj is not one to shy away from conflict and if she wanted to call Swift out, she would have just done it. This is an excellent example of White Feminism forgetting that some matters are just specific to black women or minority women and that's not something that should be a problem for white feminists. If anything support black feminist and minority group feminists in their bid to end racism and sexism.

That being said, Taylor did realise her mistake, Taylor apologised publicly and privately and she and Nicki are friends again and I for one would love to see a collaboration between the two.

The last thing I want to address is the way women are treated in music videos. The most obvious example of absolutely disgusting and vile treatment of women in a music video is Blurred Lines. Not only is the song about rape and ignoring the word "no" or absence of the word "yes", the women are also naked in the explicit version of the music video and are treated like props. It's not just pop music that treats women like this either. Hip Hop and Rap has not always been a place where women are used as props, but recently Black women in particular seem to be treated as sexual objects for men to grope or oggle at. This is just not right, but more props have to be given to the women who are slaying the music industry like Minaj, Swift, Beyonce, Fifth Harmony etc. they all manage in one way or another to ignore or even speak up against all the body shaming and sexualising of themselves and they are all winning so many awards and showing the world that women can do it too.

There is so much more I could address, but I think that's enough for today.

As always feel free to comment your own opinion below,

Until next time,

Stephanie

PIXAR!!!

I have been a fan of Pixar for my entire life, they have made 15 major motion pictures and 15 consecutive blockbusters, no joke, these people know how to create a good movie. If I had access to a time machine I would, and this is no lie, I would go back to the time they were creating Toy Story (The original) just to be a part of that magic. Everything about Pixar movies makes me love them more and more.

Perhaps the only movies to come out of Pixar that I do not enjoy are all the sequels to Cars (I am including Planes etc. as sequels even if I know they aren't). But don't get me wrong the first Cars is a decent movie, it just didn't need a sequel.

In order my least favourite to favourite Pixar movies (based on the wikipedia list here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Pixar_films ) are:

15- Cars 2
14- Cars
13- Ratatouille
12- Brave (I know it's very pro-women, I just love the other Pixar movies too much, they're my childhood)
11- WALL-E
10- Monster's University
9- Up
8- Finding Nemo
7- Toy Story 3
6- Monster's Inc.
5- A Bug's Life
4- The Incredibles
3- Toy Story
2- Toy Story 2
1- Inside Out

I think Inside Out and Toy Story 2 are pretty interchangeable for me, but because Inside Out is so fresh in my mind, that one is going first.

Speaking of Inside Out, I saw it today and it was incredible, I recommend it highly to anyone who hasn't seen it yet. At the beginning, before the movie there is a short called "Lava" I cried from about halfway through that to the end of the movie. I was overwhelmed with the brilliantly creative storyline, the difference and similarities between all the emotions. Riley's life in parallel was just all done so well. And the ending was so good, so funny, so heartwarming, I can tell this will become a staple in Pixar's history.

As I've gotten older I've come around to the critical thinking of most bloggers (as I'm sure you can tell based on my posts) and when watching a movie I try to look at the positives because filmmaking must be bloody difficult, but I also enjoy looking at the negatives. Call me pessimistic or picky or whatever, but it's nice, as far as I am concerned, to be able to pick apart a movie and look at it from every perspective.

So with Inside Out for instance, whilst there was a female protagonist who was able to express every emotion, not just the typically "feminine" ones, and relationships with parents and her relationship with herself were explored thoroughly, there were no primary POC in Riley's life and no real look into sexuality (although she is only 11 and was only just beginning to think about boys and such). That being said Mindy Kaling, who voiced disgust is a POC and she was freaking awesome in this movie. There was equal representation of men and women within Riley's emotions and overall I would say I have no real complaints about the movie at all. (Except my mascara ran something rotten)

But yeah, the next Pixar movie is called "The Good Dinosaur" and the first trailer has been released... I have no comment on whether it looks good or not yet as the trailer doesn't appear to give anything away yet, but it will be really interesting to see more. (Also Toy Story 4 has been confirmed so fucking get in with that one, although they are hinting it won't be about Buzz and Woody so I will be sad because Tom Hanks is my favourite actor and Tim Allen slays all my faves as Buzz Lightyear)

So to summarise, Pixar is my favourite film making company, if anyone wants to get me to the Pixar Studios I will love you forever, and if Pete Docter or John Lasseter, or any Pixar employee wants to tell me if the rumours about Toy Story 4 are true or not then feel free.

As always feel free to leave a comment below about your Pixar opinions, whether you disagree with my top 15 list or not.

Until next time,

Stephanie

My Experience with Makeup (another kind of ramble I guess)

"Oh here we go, she's one of those beauty bloggers now, this is how it all began with Zoella and Sprinkleofglitter and now Steph's copying them in the hopes of being as rich and successful as them."

Whilst that would be lovely, that is so not what's happening right now.

This is my honest struggle with makeup and my opinion of the silly, yet wonderful thing.

Let's go right back to where it all began, the first time I wore makeup.

The first time I wore makeup (because I thought I had to for some reason) was my first day of Year 7 so age 11. I did the makeup myself, thought I looked pretty damn fine with my sparkly brown eyeshadow and clear lipgloss and cheap mascara and to be fair, it wasn't horrible, but it also wasn't my thing, like sleep for 10 extra minutes or do my makeup... I know which one 11 year old me was choosing. So I stopped after about a week.

The next memory I have of makeup is this one girl from my year at school who caked her face in makeup to cover up spots (by this point we were about 13), but it just made her spots worse and I vowed never to wear makeup ever because I had clear skin and I didn't want to ruin it. (Now looking back I realise that judging her for wearing a lot of makeup to feel more comfortable is none of my business and totally her choice, and makeup doesn't cause spots, it's other things like not washing your face or just naturally being more prone to breakouts, but at the time I was like a right bitch, several of my now friends can testify to that fact, but more about that another time)

I don't really remember when I started wearing makeup again, it was probably at the age of 14 that I experimented with pale pink lipstick (definitely not the right colour choice) but I definitely wore makeup in the last two years of my life at secondary school and this was probably the moment I realised, truly, how difficult makeup and the social pressures of makeup really are.

On a typical day I would apply a fine cover of foundation, some cheap concealer that always clumped around my eyes, some eyeshadow, eyeliner (just the waterline pencil though, never liquid whilst in school) and mascara. Then lip balm because I wasn't a fan of lipstick at the time. I would apply all of this in the morning, go to school, come home and wipe it all off (by the end of the day there was never much left on anyway)

I began to notice that a lot of girls would bring their makeup with them and reapply it constantly throughout the day and they would sometimes ask me why I never did or sometimes didn't wear makeup at all. (even to this day I sometimes just can't be arsed with the process of applying makeup)

Here's why... I've just never cared about my face, it's there, it's always going to be there and look the way it does and yeah, sometimes I enjoy makeup, often I feel as though it's fun and makes me look fucking hot, but I also love not wearing makeup and sleeping for an extra half an hour (notice the time change) And I love being comfortable with my face, leaving the house with no makeup on makes me feel just as pretty as doing my makeup (and when I do my makeup now I usually go full out! It's so much fun!)

And I think part of me being comfortable with my own face sans makeup is that I don't judge others, I've never told someone they look tired or ill because I mistook lack of makeup for health issues (and believe me a lot of people have made that mistake with me!)

At the end of the day though, despite me feeling that I had to wear makeup at the beginning of Secondary school at the wee age of 11 and feeling less than sometimes towards the end because of my lack of makeup, I've definitely enjoyed learning about the world of makeup and I love trying out new products and I would love, one day, to have a professional do whatever they want to my hair and makeup to see what they would do with my natural face!

So yeah, wear makeup or don't. If you do more of one or the other then try going a week or two doing the opposite. I tend to not wear makeup unless I'm going out with friends or going to work so I tried doing makeup everyday for two weeks and it was tiring as hell! But yeah, you don't have to, it's just interesting to see what you feel like if/when you do. (This all goes for men too)



Here is me with and without makeup (pretty hot either way to be perfectly honest, and humble)


As always feel free to comment down below any opinions you have and let me know if you've had any weird makeup experiences!

Until next time,

Stephanie

The Sociologist Series: Feminism and Disney's "The Little Mermaid"

So this is like a new thing I am trying out where I analyse a popular piece of film, literature, or even a song, from the perspective of a group of sociologists. Today I have picked a classic Disney film, The Little Mermaid, and in the most obvious way possible, it will be about feminism.


Disclaimer: As I consider myself to be a feminist these are my opinions on feminism applied to this movie, but feminism is an umbrella term for many individuals who may disagree with me on this movie's positives and negatives.

Firstly it's worth noting that this movie does pass the Bechdel Test... sort of. Ariel's story does appear to focus on Eric and her mindless love for him, but she does actually discuss becoming a human with Ursula (of course one of the reasons for her wanting to become human is Eric anyway, but the discussion is not directly about him so it passes)

The Bechdel Test, of course, is not the be all and end all of a feminist movie, or at least a female positive one anyway.

The main argument for this movie not being a step forward for women is that she falls in love with a man she doesn't know, and he rescues her, she gives up her voice for him and leaves her whole family and life as she knows it under the sea for him. He dictates her every move and they get married after three days of knowing each other (of course with some set backs)

However, it is worth mentioning that Ariel was in love with the "human world" first, she always wanted to be part of our world, but she never had a real plan. How would she cope on land without a home or food or anything. So she got clever, she found a hot guy with a shit tonne of money (a prince no less!) and she got him to love her back. By providing herself with this safety net she wouldn't be homeless when she got her legs.

Well that's how I would like to see it anyway, but that's very idealistic of me. The truth is The Little Mermaid is a good female empowering film in the sense that it does give girl's the idea that it is good to chase your dreams no matter what your father or a talking crab says (and yes, Sebastian is a crab not a lobster) and it teaches girls that it is okay to be different and want different things.

On the other hand, it teaches girls to put men first, and to put all your hopes into one man and not into yourself. It teaches girls that to look pretty you have to have a tiny waist and flowing locks of hair and receive the praise of a man to feel good about yourself.

But for me there is one thing about The Little Mermaid that really makes it good in the eyes of a feminist and that is King Triton.

I know it's odd to see a man as the ultimate feminist icon (very Parks and Recreation's Ron receiving Woman of the Year) but here's the thing. Feminism isn't about hating men it's about hating the Patriarchy and one of the things that comes out of the patriarchy is toxic masculinity. And toxic masculinity is the very thing Triton, in my eyes, helps to destroy.

At the beginning of the movie, King Triton is angry and masculine almost all the time in front
of Ariel, he never seems to care about feelings or emotions or love (and rightly so in the case of  Eric, like she never met the guy and wanted to spend the rest of her life with him? Kay Ariel), but when her back was turned you could see that he was stressed, he had no idea what he was doing, it's clear the mother is no longer there (presumably death I don't know if that's in the original story or not) and Triton has been left with the responsibility of SEVEN DAUGHTERS! I would find that difficult enough let alone also being King of the Sea.

Anyway getting off track.

Triton sees Ariel putting herself in danger, going above sea to watch the human world, who would definitely catch her, run tests on her, maybe kill her (almost definitely kill her) and he panics and shouts, he becomes a typical "manly man" which drives her away.

Now we compare this to the man we see at the end. He sacrifices himself for his daughter so that she can go on with her life, he doesn't tell her "I'll do this if you stay under the sea" he just does it, because that's what a good parent does. And at the very end he goes to her wedding and gives his (presumed) blessing for her to do something he perceived as dangerous. (In the Little Mermaid 2, lord help us all, he does the same for Melody, he does whatever he can to make his girls happy and he becomes a more kind-hearted person by the end of it)

So yeah, my opinion is that Ariel has her moments and of course having the woman as a main character is great (same with most popular Disney movies) and passing the bechdel test is grand too, but in this movie, Triton, for me, does the best job in dismantling a barrier put in the way by the patriarchy.

I am aware many feminists will see this as a problem as I have named a man the feminist character in this story, but meh, I think men can suffer from the hands of the patriarchy too so... yay for smashing toxic masculinity Triton!

At the end of the day though this movie has not revolutionised the way the world sees women or men, so in times like this we turn to Sebastian for words of wisdom about this place we call home...

Truer words were never spoken.

As always feel free to leave me your opinions in the comments below,

Until next time,

Stephanie

Finishing College: A Whirlwind of Emotions (Bit of a Ramble)

College is a really weird thing to wrap your head around in the UK. It's sort of a University waiting ground, a purgatory if you will. I was discussing it with one of my online American friends and she thought I was complaining about University, but College is not 18-whenever you finish your degree, here it's 16-18 and I don't know thinking about it weirds me out a little.

I'm going to break this down into sections... The first of which is called:

Friends

Let me begin by describing the positives of this aspect of college.

I discovered a great way to make friends. I walked in on my first day and met these two weirdos I now consider two of my closest friends. One of which was wearing a necklace with her name on it (this officially made her the first person ever whose name I remembered after the first time I met her) and this other girl whose graphic t-shirts brighten my day (Captain Obvious being my favourite, Lumpy Space Princess being another as it was the first t-shirt to bond me to another human being (ugh that sounds odd)) So yeah, my advice, do a quick scan of the items of clothing someone has chosen to wear on the first day of college (they usually pick it for a reason) and talk to them about it. They'll be glad you noticed and you'll have found a less awkward way to introduce yourself. BAM! I am the master of making friends (that is not true at all and I can't be held responsible for any mistakes you make)

I also made other friends, but most of my close friends remained the same as they all came to the same college as me.

The flip-side of this is that I lost one great friend to the unknown world of the college that you don't have to catch a train to. I always was quite level headed and from a very young age I knew that most of the people you meet in your life won't be your friend forever, but I, admittedly, have discovered that I am bad at keeping in contact with people. I feel weird messaging first on Facebook for fear of becoming annoying and I don't communicate well over Facebook anyway because I have a sarcastic sense of humour and that doesn't convey very well in real life (let alone on the virtual plaines)

This is where my first doubt for going to University comes in.

This September I will be leaving rainy England for even rainier North Wales. I will be attending Bangor University and the thought of being 345 miles away from my hometown scares the shit out of me! Practically all of my family live here and most, if not all, of my friends do too. On top of this the majority of people don't/aren't moving too far away from their hometowns and I feel if I had chosen somewhere closer to home then I would have felt a lot better about it.

(That being said I was going to move to Germany so North Wales is a little closer)

Depression and Anxiety

This section is definitely a little bit harder for me to write so bear with me.

During my time at college I have come face to face with the two-headed beast named Depression and Anxiety and I feel (on my stronger days) that I have conquered it, decapitated it to the point of no return, but there is (and I fear always will be) a little ghost of a whisper at the back of my mind that it could do a Jesus and resurrect itself. University is my main trigger at the moment.

Anecdote time! About a week ago I dropped my bowl of muesli and yoghurt. I never eat breakfast, but my body was craving some, so I gave into temptation and made myself this healthy food of deliciousness. When I dropped it the bowl smashed, and muesli and yoghurt splashed all over the floor and up onto the cupboards. It was at this point I decided to tiptoe around it and sit down on the one clear patch of floor and just cry! I cried and cried and cried constantly chanting in my head how I wasn't ready to be an adult or go to Uni or move out of home. (Yes I really am that pathetic ladies and gentlemen)

Of course I soon realised what I was doing and what it must have looked like and I got up, mopped the floor and cleaned the cupboards and toasted some bread (needless to say I was not in the mood for muesli anymore) and by the time my mum returned from work she was none the wiser to my little incident.

That's just one example. Another one is that I have started buying some supplies for Uni and I have boxed up some stuff and everything, and I keep it all in a closed cupboard. Everytime I look at the boxes in that cupboard I feel sick to my stomach and almost have a mini panic attack. (It's not great when it's the same cupboard my clothes are kept in and I see these boxes every morning.

On a happier note, I did talk to some people who are in Uni or are moving to Bangor like me and they all feel similar and they all seem nice so I'm hoping it'll sort itself out. (If I keep telling myself that does it go away... probs not)

Siblings

My brothers and I have always been a little bit distant from each other so when I say siblings I really mean "sibling" and most specifically, my little sister, whose relationship with me is a little bit touch and go. Like most little sisters she takes my stuff without asking and she argues with me and she drives me up the fucking wall, but like most older sisters I always end up forgiving her and we get back on track.

She is very sad about me leaving University and if you know me at all (even just by reading my other personal blog post... LINK: http://controversy-in-modesty.blogspot.co.uk/2014/06/my-relationship-with-working-mother.html?updated-min=2014-01-01T00:00:00-08:00&updated-max=2015-01-01T00:00:00-08:00&max-results=11 ) I am very nervous about leaving her at home as well, but I feel like she's handling it by being even more difficult to live with. It feels a bit like she's giving me the middle finger as I leave for 3-5 years, but what do I know? She's a teenager and she has her own problems.

That's all I really have to say on that matter, it's a massive:

? ? ?

Summer

I'm aware I haven't really discussed exams in this, but it's just because there's not much anxiety there for me, of course I'm nervous, but it feels pretty normal in it's levels at the moment so I'm leaving it be.

Summer is another mixed bag because on one hand I can finally catch up with that sleep I lost in term time, but this summer is very different to any other one I've encountered during my 18 year long stay on this planet. I have nothing to do... at all... My University hasn't given me any reading lists and my friends are all busy with family, or visiting Canada, or Scotland, or hanging out with friends who aren't me, *winky face*, (the winky face looks weird on a blog post) and work don't need me to do much overtime especially seeing as I am leaving in a month! (Yaaaassss!!!) so I have nothing to do, but sit at home and contemplate life as we know it... or as I know it... hence this random ramble post. (If you're still reading then congratulations)

On the other hand... I DON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING! And this could be one of the last times I ever get to enjoy that feeling. Once Uni starts up I'll have summer work and because I'm spending less time with friends and family from my hometown they will want to hang out. For now I'm definitely trying to enjoy my own individual peaceful relaxation time (I'm an extrovert so this si my kryptonite) before moving into halls (lord help me) (at least I have an en suite!) AND I WENT TO BERLIN WITH THREE OF MY BEST FRIENDS SO... I can't complain too much.

But yeah, Summer is both great and horrible this year. I don't know man, maybe I'm just being a spoiled teenager right now.



I think I'm going to wrap this up now because I have been typing for ages and I'm tired. (I haven't proofread this because (like the title says) this is a ramble and I just wanted to write as thoughts came to me. There is no real structure and now clear train of thought for what I have written. I hope you enjoyed it (if you even read it all)

As always, feel free to comment below anything you feel like saying!

Until next time,

Stephanie

UK Election Results 2k15

WARNING: This post contains A LOT of brackets and I mean A LOT!

Right, so I know I have a few readers who are not from the UK so this might not be as easy to understand for you so just this once you get the excuse to not read this... BUT if you do want to know about the problems facing Britain right now then stay tuned because it is about to get ugly up in here.

In the UK we have two major parties: Conservatives and Labour. In their most basic forms Conservatives (The Tories) are a party for the wealthy and Labour are a party "for the people". During the 2015 elections David Cameron was the leader for the Conservatives (And he still is) and Ed Miliband was the leader for Labour (Miliband has since stepped down). Other parties involved were the SNP (Scottish National Party: Leader Nicola Sturgeon) who can't actually be in charge of UK politics because of their "national" status. UKIP (United Kingdom Independence Party aka one policy party to be strict on immigration aka "the Racists") The Greens (Probably the one I identify the most with they are the most liberal, but again on the surface appear to be one policy in that they are very much pro-environment) Liberal Democrats (Lib Dems) Let's be honest they weren't as important this year. And then some other Independent ones and some Welsh and some Irish ones... ceebs go into it.

Now you know the basics I will launch into my many rants which I will title so you don't have to read the ones you aren't interested in.

VOTING SYSTEM

In the UK we have a system called "First Past the Post". Under this system we vote for who we want to represent our area (constituency) and whoever gets that majority becomes a seat for their party in the House of Commons. E.g. in my constituency (Eastbourne) we have had Stephen Lloyd as our MP (Member of Parliament) for the past five years, this year Conservatives won by just over 700 and so Caroline Ansell is now our MP. Her MP-hood becomes 1 seat for the Conservative Party. The party with the majority of seats (326 as there are 650 constituencies in the UK) wins the election. SIMPLE! But, alas, this is an unfair way of going about it.

Below is a chart showing you how many people voted for which parties in the UK:

This is how many seats these parties won... SPOT THE DIFFERENCE!

This is how many seats would be given under PR (Proportional Representation) this seems a bit more fair... no?:

I personally don't think PR works all that well. It is more difficult to get a majority vote especially when it comes to making decisions after a "winner" is declared (In this case it would still be Conservatives, but I'll save that rant for later) HOWEVER, I still think it is closer to the sort of politics I want to see than that of FPTP as it gives a chance to parties like the Greens to have their say in what happens to our country. They get the chance to make a difference!

And I'll just sit here and imagine your "But what if UKIP" arguments. Yes, FPTP mostly kept UKIP out of Parliament this year, but THIS ISN'T DEMOCRACY!!! UKIP are awful, I disagree with everything they stand for, but they got the votes and their voters deserve the right to have their voices heard! It's simple democracy. (Plus they might be able to finally see how bad the party actually is)

I hope this helps you to see how flawed our current system is.

CONSERVATIVES vs LABOUR 

A hashtag that has been trending, and I have shared and partaken in this hashtag, is the #ToriesOutNow tag. This is trending in light of demonstrations and petitions against another 5 years of the buttcrack of parliament that is the Conservative Party. And I know I've been discreet, but yes, I do not like the Tories. I feel their policies are very much in favour of the 1% and the fact they want to privatise and sell our NHS is not good (I happen to like the NHS despite it's problems.) But... If I was to try and be as unbiased as possible I would have to disagree with the hashtag. Whilst I do not like the Tories, either way you look at it they got the majority vote. Even through the more favourable PR.
In this section I want to discuss how they won over that majority.

Playground Politics.

They basically made a mockery out of Ed Miliband by posting front page news with full page blown up pictures of him eating a sandwich in an, admittedly, poor way. They slated every move he made! As well as this they used the SNP and possible maybe coalition with Labour as a fear tactic and, because the Tories own about 70% of UK newspapers, it worked. They successfully bullied the people of Britain into voting for them.

WHERE TO GO FROM HERE

The most important thing we can do over the next few weeks is keep talking about it! Keep protesting this system that allows room for oppression and bullying and immature politics. In the long term, if this doesn't work out, the best idea I can fathom for those who aren't planning on leaving the UK and starting an underground DJ group in Berlin (Like me and my friends Shannon, Rachael and Eric are planning on doing... We'll be called Holy Trinity feat. Steph incase you were wondering) the best idea I can think of, when all hope is lost and protesting is no longer happening, is to just sit tight, hope we as a country can get through this and, once it is over, in 5 years time, we can regroup and try to start something new.


I hope.


As always, comment below and let me know what you think and ask me any questions, stay open minded.

Steph