Confidence Series: Skincare

It took me a long time to realise that caring for my skin would make me feel completely different about myself. I have combination skin in that it can get very oily around my T-Zone and it can also get very dry around my eyebrows and beside my nostrils. Growing up I was lucky that the combination cancelled each other out very well and I suffered from little to no skin problems at all.

When I finished going through puberty my skin started to get more spots. I had, naively assumed that my skin would not get bad because I was through puberty. I was wrong, and I didn't help it by getting the ugliest full fringe I could possibly get. What this meant was I began getting a lot more spots due to the speed with which my fringe got greasy and by the sheer oil build up on my face.

I began to combat it with the clean and clear exfoliating scrub, but it didn't really work well because I could not be bothered to do it every night along with everything else and when I was busy I forgot and my skin went to shit again, but I bring good news... I have found ones that do not require rinsing which means I can just get some cotton wool pads and wipe my face clean without leaving my bed. And if I'm running late I can take the items with me... Of course, that's if I don't want to do makeup before I leave.

My treatment now consists of using: Garnier Micellar Cleansing Water to remove make-up; Clean and Clear deep cleansing lotion; Clean and Clear blackhead clearing cleanser; and Nivea Toner. I genuinely felt a difference after one treatment. (This isn't sponsored by the way, but if any of these companies want to hit me up I am not opposed to it)

Moisturising is also something I don't have the time for and... confession time, I don't currently use a moisturiser, although it is next on my list of things to introduce to my daily routine.

So tip number one: Find a skin care treatment that suits your schedule and your needs. (Toner is a must have in my opinion, it makes your pores smaller and less prone to blackheads)

This has made me feel better about not wearing makeup and actually it has made me feel better at wearing make-up which was a surprise to me, but the make-up looks better on skin with smaller pores and smoother skin.

That is the perfect segway onto the next topic: makeup. As I have discussed before, makeup is just something fun for me to do when I have half an hour to spare in the morning or for if I want to look extra hot for a night out. And like I have discussed previously, I used to feel like I had to wear make-up and I used to think the only way to feel good about myself was to wear make-up.

It was quite easy for me to get comfortable not wearing make-up. What I chose to do to help me feel more confident in my skin and with my face was to not wear it for a weekend when I knew I wasn't going anywhere. And I mean I stayed at home all weekend, I only went out to the shops once and I felt okay about what I had done, then I went a whole week without make-up and that meant going to school. (If you are more attached to make-up than I am then try lessening the amount you wear for a few days until you feel ready, this is all about you feeling comfortable) Soon I found myself enjoying having more sleep and not worrying about look 100% all the time. It's stressful, and most people didn't notice, or they at least didn't say anything. I received a few "you look tired" comments, but soon no one said anything and I felt great.

Now I wear make-up more again because I enjoy the process of putting it on and I enjoy trying out new products. The only other thing I can suggest in terms of make-up is to not use make-up wipes to remove it because they can increase oil build up or decrease moisture. (Of course they are still better than nothing so use them if nothing else is on hand) And also, just have fun, make-up hasn't always been a thing and I'm sure there will come a time where it is less expected of women to always wear it.

Tip two is: Have fun with make-up and take care in removing it!

The final thing I want to discuss with you in terms of skincare is to remember that it's your skin and no one else can really have any power over it other than you and if you have a few spots or imperfections, just rock them, most people get face spots and most people understand that sometimes you need to let them be free from make-up.

Of course I can't comment on birthmarks as I wasn't born with any significant one's on my face, but I would love to hear any other tips you guys have, and any products you think I should try out!

To get more comfortable with my skin I did that stereotypical thing of looking in a mirror and identifying parts of my skin that looked good. Like the little freckles I have over my shoulders. I also recommend being naked with yourself. I know that might seem taboo to talk about on a blog that I know my friends and family read, but I feel it's important to be as confident as you can about aspects of your own body and one way to do that is to be naked (As it was intended *ding*)

Tip three, therefore, is: Love yourself and the skin you're in and embrace parts of yourself you find difficult to live with!

That's all for now, next week's installment of the Confidence Series will be about the face in general and how to feel good about your overall face area.

Until next time,

Stephanie

Confidence Series: Introduction

I will be starting a new series where I discuss my journey on the path to confidence in myself and in my actions and thoughts. I was never a very confident person. After suffering with depression and anxiety in silence for so many years I hoarded a lot of self hate and found it was way easier for me to beat myself up over things than let someone else do it for me. (which they still did, as discussed in a previous post I was bullied).

It hurt less when they did it because they were just confirming what I already know, but I'm getting better now, my confidence has probably tripled by now and it only grows each day. And I want to make note of this journey I've been on and maybe impart some wisdom on the way so join me, if you will, and see what I have to say on the topic.

I look forward to seeing your responses to the first post which will be going up on Friday 14th at 8pm GMT. (So that's London time)

Until then,

Stephanie

Dear 10 Year Old Me

Dear 10 year old me,

This is a warning.

You're about to go into Secondary school and only one of your friends from Primary school will be joining you. This makes you happy, but you don't know what's to come. You and she drift apart, it's not something that bothers you anymore, but at the time it sucked so much, you thought that was what would eventually happen to all of your friendships, but I promise it doesn't.

You make it through the first half of your first year with an abundance of friends, you have never been this popular before, almost everyone in your classes seems to get along with you and you have a nice big group of friends who seem to care for you, you even get a boyfriend (he turns out to bat for the other team, but you're still really good friends with him), everything seems to be going so well for you, but it wasn't destined to last. One by one you lose friends and you lose faith in the people around you ever liking you from the start.

Then the bullying starts. Everyone is turning against you, people you once called best friends, people you held on such high pedestals it's hardly surprising you fell when they did. By the end of your first year you only have one friend. But you don't mind because she is a good friend. It's the bullying that gets to you. It's relentless, you consider calling in sick, feigning an illness so terrible you never have to see those people again, but you love school so much that you keep going, no matter what you have to learn because that spark in you is still there.

But I have some bad news for you, you turn into a bitch, you pick on those less fortunate than you because you don't yet realise that you can be better than them and take the high road. You harbour all your hate for these bullies and you force others to endure that hatred, you feel better for a split second, it means someone else understands how you feel, but then you feel guilty because you feel like shit and to realise that you made someone else feel this way makes it feel like a knife is being stabbed into your stomach and twisted round and round until there's nothing left. But you don't learn until much later.

Second year ends and you still only have one friend, but you enjoy your summer with your family, always with your family, never with friends. And when you return for your third year, that one friend you held onto through the bullying, stops talking to you. You don't know why and you begin writing lists of reasons someone could hate you, but reading back on them you realise these are just reasons you hate yourself and you do, you think you need others to justify your happiness. You cry out for a friend and one day...someone hears you.

You begin with one friend that you make in science class and through them you meet more and more people. It took you a while, but you got there again.

In fourth year one friend in particular becomes someone very dear to you and you have to admire her because she has forgiven you for all the shit you unloaded onto her in second year. There isn't a day that goes by that you don't thank your lucky stars to have found her because she inspires you everyday to be ruthless in dealing with terrible, poisonous people, and you used to be one of them for her. She slays you and all your faves. (And I'm sure she'll love reading this, I do hate being this sentimental)

Secondary school, for this reason, is both the best and worst part of your life so far. A lot of me thinks it's the reason you're still messed up emotionally (you were way worse until about a month ago).

And that's really what this letter is about, to remind myself and other people that it does get better. I've definitely taken myself to dark places that I thought I would never get out of, but a small group of people have helped me overcome this terrible sadness that loomed over me and I really want to credit them, but I don't want to do it on here in such an impersonal way. I hope you know who you are, whether it's comforting me when I drink and cry, when I sober cry, when I need a laugh, or just don't want to be alone, you all sit with me, invite me over for movie nights and just make my days brighter.

I love you all, and to 10 year old me I say, from this position I'm in now, I wouldn't change a thing because without those shitty years, you might not be where you are today.

Until next time,

Stephanie

My Experience with Makeup (another kind of ramble I guess)

"Oh here we go, she's one of those beauty bloggers now, this is how it all began with Zoella and Sprinkleofglitter and now Steph's copying them in the hopes of being as rich and successful as them."

Whilst that would be lovely, that is so not what's happening right now.

This is my honest struggle with makeup and my opinion of the silly, yet wonderful thing.

Let's go right back to where it all began, the first time I wore makeup.

The first time I wore makeup (because I thought I had to for some reason) was my first day of Year 7 so age 11. I did the makeup myself, thought I looked pretty damn fine with my sparkly brown eyeshadow and clear lipgloss and cheap mascara and to be fair, it wasn't horrible, but it also wasn't my thing, like sleep for 10 extra minutes or do my makeup... I know which one 11 year old me was choosing. So I stopped after about a week.

The next memory I have of makeup is this one girl from my year at school who caked her face in makeup to cover up spots (by this point we were about 13), but it just made her spots worse and I vowed never to wear makeup ever because I had clear skin and I didn't want to ruin it. (Now looking back I realise that judging her for wearing a lot of makeup to feel more comfortable is none of my business and totally her choice, and makeup doesn't cause spots, it's other things like not washing your face or just naturally being more prone to breakouts, but at the time I was like a right bitch, several of my now friends can testify to that fact, but more about that another time)

I don't really remember when I started wearing makeup again, it was probably at the age of 14 that I experimented with pale pink lipstick (definitely not the right colour choice) but I definitely wore makeup in the last two years of my life at secondary school and this was probably the moment I realised, truly, how difficult makeup and the social pressures of makeup really are.

On a typical day I would apply a fine cover of foundation, some cheap concealer that always clumped around my eyes, some eyeshadow, eyeliner (just the waterline pencil though, never liquid whilst in school) and mascara. Then lip balm because I wasn't a fan of lipstick at the time. I would apply all of this in the morning, go to school, come home and wipe it all off (by the end of the day there was never much left on anyway)

I began to notice that a lot of girls would bring their makeup with them and reapply it constantly throughout the day and they would sometimes ask me why I never did or sometimes didn't wear makeup at all. (even to this day I sometimes just can't be arsed with the process of applying makeup)

Here's why... I've just never cared about my face, it's there, it's always going to be there and look the way it does and yeah, sometimes I enjoy makeup, often I feel as though it's fun and makes me look fucking hot, but I also love not wearing makeup and sleeping for an extra half an hour (notice the time change) And I love being comfortable with my face, leaving the house with no makeup on makes me feel just as pretty as doing my makeup (and when I do my makeup now I usually go full out! It's so much fun!)

And I think part of me being comfortable with my own face sans makeup is that I don't judge others, I've never told someone they look tired or ill because I mistook lack of makeup for health issues (and believe me a lot of people have made that mistake with me!)

At the end of the day though, despite me feeling that I had to wear makeup at the beginning of Secondary school at the wee age of 11 and feeling less than sometimes towards the end because of my lack of makeup, I've definitely enjoyed learning about the world of makeup and I love trying out new products and I would love, one day, to have a professional do whatever they want to my hair and makeup to see what they would do with my natural face!

So yeah, wear makeup or don't. If you do more of one or the other then try going a week or two doing the opposite. I tend to not wear makeup unless I'm going out with friends or going to work so I tried doing makeup everyday for two weeks and it was tiring as hell! But yeah, you don't have to, it's just interesting to see what you feel like if/when you do. (This all goes for men too)



Here is me with and without makeup (pretty hot either way to be perfectly honest, and humble)


As always feel free to comment down below any opinions you have and let me know if you've had any weird makeup experiences!

Until next time,

Stephanie