Unfortunately there is going to be a massive delay in me getting any posts to you all today or tomorrow or maybe even Monday because my laptop has gone in for repair and I can't rely on my phone to run this blog.
Hopefully it will all be better by next Saturday and we can return to the normal schedule, but I will try to keep you updated. I still haven't decided what to write for Sociology Sunday so I guess this is kind of a blessing in disguise for me... *wink*
However the next Confidence post will be all about appreciating the face and the next "wild card Monday" should be about me leaving work.
Until then, I hope you all have a wonderful week,
Speak soon,
Stephanie
Showing posts with label sorry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sorry. Show all posts
Saturday, 22 August 2015
Monday, 27 July 2015
Dear 10 Year Old Me
Dear 10 year old me,
This is a warning.
You're about to go into Secondary school and only one of your friends from Primary school will be joining you. This makes you happy, but you don't know what's to come. You and she drift apart, it's not something that bothers you anymore, but at the time it sucked so much, you thought that was what would eventually happen to all of your friendships, but I promise it doesn't.
You make it through the first half of your first year with an abundance of friends, you have never been this popular before, almost everyone in your classes seems to get along with you and you have a nice big group of friends who seem to care for you, you even get a boyfriend (he turns out to bat for the other team, but you're still really good friends with him), everything seems to be going so well for you, but it wasn't destined to last. One by one you lose friends and you lose faith in the people around you ever liking you from the start.
Then the bullying starts. Everyone is turning against you, people you once called best friends, people you held on such high pedestals it's hardly surprising you fell when they did. By the end of your first year you only have one friend. But you don't mind because she is a good friend. It's the bullying that gets to you. It's relentless, you consider calling in sick, feigning an illness so terrible you never have to see those people again, but you love school so much that you keep going, no matter what you have to learn because that spark in you is still there.
But I have some bad news for you, you turn into a bitch, you pick on those less fortunate than you because you don't yet realise that you can be better than them and take the high road. You harbour all your hate for these bullies and you force others to endure that hatred, you feel better for a split second, it means someone else understands how you feel, but then you feel guilty because you feel like shit and to realise that you made someone else feel this way makes it feel like a knife is being stabbed into your stomach and twisted round and round until there's nothing left. But you don't learn until much later.
Second year ends and you still only have one friend, but you enjoy your summer with your family, always with your family, never with friends. And when you return for your third year, that one friend you held onto through the bullying, stops talking to you. You don't know why and you begin writing lists of reasons someone could hate you, but reading back on them you realise these are just reasons you hate yourself and you do, you think you need others to justify your happiness. You cry out for a friend and one day...someone hears you.
You begin with one friend that you make in science class and through them you meet more and more people. It took you a while, but you got there again.
In fourth year one friend in particular becomes someone very dear to you and you have to admire her because she has forgiven you for all the shit you unloaded onto her in second year. There isn't a day that goes by that you don't thank your lucky stars to have found her because she inspires you everyday to be ruthless in dealing with terrible, poisonous people, and you used to be one of them for her. She slays you and all your faves. (And I'm sure she'll love reading this, I do hate being this sentimental)
Secondary school, for this reason, is both the best and worst part of your life so far. A lot of me thinks it's the reason you're still messed up emotionally (you were way worse until about a month ago).
And that's really what this letter is about, to remind myself and other people that it does get better. I've definitely taken myself to dark places that I thought I would never get out of, but a small group of people have helped me overcome this terrible sadness that loomed over me and I really want to credit them, but I don't want to do it on here in such an impersonal way. I hope you know who you are, whether it's comforting me when I drink and cry, when I sober cry, when I need a laugh, or just don't want to be alone, you all sit with me, invite me over for movie nights and just make my days brighter.
I love you all, and to 10 year old me I say, from this position I'm in now, I wouldn't change a thing because without those shitty years, you might not be where you are today.
Until next time,
Stephanie
This is a warning.
You're about to go into Secondary school and only one of your friends from Primary school will be joining you. This makes you happy, but you don't know what's to come. You and she drift apart, it's not something that bothers you anymore, but at the time it sucked so much, you thought that was what would eventually happen to all of your friendships, but I promise it doesn't.
You make it through the first half of your first year with an abundance of friends, you have never been this popular before, almost everyone in your classes seems to get along with you and you have a nice big group of friends who seem to care for you, you even get a boyfriend (he turns out to bat for the other team, but you're still really good friends with him), everything seems to be going so well for you, but it wasn't destined to last. One by one you lose friends and you lose faith in the people around you ever liking you from the start.
Then the bullying starts. Everyone is turning against you, people you once called best friends, people you held on such high pedestals it's hardly surprising you fell when they did. By the end of your first year you only have one friend. But you don't mind because she is a good friend. It's the bullying that gets to you. It's relentless, you consider calling in sick, feigning an illness so terrible you never have to see those people again, but you love school so much that you keep going, no matter what you have to learn because that spark in you is still there.
But I have some bad news for you, you turn into a bitch, you pick on those less fortunate than you because you don't yet realise that you can be better than them and take the high road. You harbour all your hate for these bullies and you force others to endure that hatred, you feel better for a split second, it means someone else understands how you feel, but then you feel guilty because you feel like shit and to realise that you made someone else feel this way makes it feel like a knife is being stabbed into your stomach and twisted round and round until there's nothing left. But you don't learn until much later.
Second year ends and you still only have one friend, but you enjoy your summer with your family, always with your family, never with friends. And when you return for your third year, that one friend you held onto through the bullying, stops talking to you. You don't know why and you begin writing lists of reasons someone could hate you, but reading back on them you realise these are just reasons you hate yourself and you do, you think you need others to justify your happiness. You cry out for a friend and one day...someone hears you.
You begin with one friend that you make in science class and through them you meet more and more people. It took you a while, but you got there again.
In fourth year one friend in particular becomes someone very dear to you and you have to admire her because she has forgiven you for all the shit you unloaded onto her in second year. There isn't a day that goes by that you don't thank your lucky stars to have found her because she inspires you everyday to be ruthless in dealing with terrible, poisonous people, and you used to be one of them for her. She slays you and all your faves. (And I'm sure she'll love reading this, I do hate being this sentimental)
Secondary school, for this reason, is both the best and worst part of your life so far. A lot of me thinks it's the reason you're still messed up emotionally (you were way worse until about a month ago).
And that's really what this letter is about, to remind myself and other people that it does get better. I've definitely taken myself to dark places that I thought I would never get out of, but a small group of people have helped me overcome this terrible sadness that loomed over me and I really want to credit them, but I don't want to do it on here in such an impersonal way. I hope you know who you are, whether it's comforting me when I drink and cry, when I sober cry, when I need a laugh, or just don't want to be alone, you all sit with me, invite me over for movie nights and just make my days brighter.
I love you all, and to 10 year old me I say, from this position I'm in now, I wouldn't change a thing because without those shitty years, you might not be where you are today.
Until next time,
Stephanie
Thursday, 11 December 2014
Long Time Coming: Institutionalised Racism
This blog post, which I present to you today has been a long time coming, and I hope you can leave feeling more educated on a matter that is, quite frankly, disgraceful.
I am, of course, talking about the Ferguson case where a white cop has shoot down a black teenager and has managed to get away with it scot free and the Eric Garner case where, once again, a black teenager has been killed by a brutal attack at the hands of a man who is supposedly in charge of the safety of American civilians and has suffered no consequence.
First we'll deal with the facts.
FERGUSON CASE
The only real statement received by the officer in question, Darren Wilson, obviously describes the situation as a direct threat to his own safety. He says that he was just trying to chase up a report he had received about a robbery. The report described two black teenagers wearing hoodies. Nothing else was said apparently, so this was all he had to go on.
Darren Wilson says he had requested of them both to stop on the sidewalk so he could question them, but the victim, Mike Brown got very angry with this and started hitting Wilson. Wilson describes him as looking like a "demon". Wilson, fearing for his life, took out the "Only weapon suitable" and fired shots. He states that there were some blanks fired first before a bullet was fired into Brown. All through this Brown was trying to take the gun from Wilson.
Once Brown had started running (after having been shot once in the chest) Wilson followed, deciding to keep an eye on him in case he was responsible for the robbing. When Brown entered an alley and turned around Wilson described Brown as looking very aggressive and he shot again and again until the fatal shot was fired into Brown's skull.
White Police Officer Darren Wilson characterized black teenager Michael Brown as a Demon. This is very significant. It reveals the unconscious racist mindset of the police officer. The devil is a demon; he is black. As such police officer Wilson feels justified in killing Michael Brown. The unconscious mind of Wilson reveals the intentions. The killing of Michael Brown was a racist act.
Piaget Crenshaw, Mitchell's co-worker, said she saw what happened from her apartment while waiting for Mitchell: "The officer was just trying to pull him into the vehicle – that's just what it looked like."
I am, of course, talking about the Ferguson case where a white cop has shoot down a black teenager and has managed to get away with it scot free and the Eric Garner case where, once again, a black teenager has been killed by a brutal attack at the hands of a man who is supposedly in charge of the safety of American civilians and has suffered no consequence.
First we'll deal with the facts.
FERGUSON CASE
The only real statement received by the officer in question, Darren Wilson, obviously describes the situation as a direct threat to his own safety. He says that he was just trying to chase up a report he had received about a robbery. The report described two black teenagers wearing hoodies. Nothing else was said apparently, so this was all he had to go on.
Darren Wilson says he had requested of them both to stop on the sidewalk so he could question them, but the victim, Mike Brown got very angry with this and started hitting Wilson. Wilson describes him as looking like a "demon". Wilson, fearing for his life, took out the "Only weapon suitable" and fired shots. He states that there were some blanks fired first before a bullet was fired into Brown. All through this Brown was trying to take the gun from Wilson.
Once Brown had started running (after having been shot once in the chest) Wilson followed, deciding to keep an eye on him in case he was responsible for the robbing. When Brown entered an alley and turned around Wilson described Brown as looking very aggressive and he shot again and again until the fatal shot was fired into Brown's skull.
White Police Officer Darren Wilson characterized black teenager Michael Brown as a Demon. This is very significant. It reveals the unconscious racist mindset of the police officer. The devil is a demon; he is black. As such police officer Wilson feels justified in killing Michael Brown. The unconscious mind of Wilson reveals the intentions. The killing of Michael Brown was a racist act.
Tiffany Mitchell, who was picking up a colleague to go to work, said she saw some of the confrontation. Wilson and Brown were "tussling through the window." "It looked as if the kid was pulling away and the officer was pulling him in." "A shot was fired through the window."
"The cop gets out of his vehicle shooting," Mitchell said. "(Brown's) body jerked as if he was hit from behind, and he turned around, and he put his hands up. ... The cop continued to fire until he just dropped down to the ground, and his face just smacks the concrete."
Crenshaw: "He started chasing after the boy. I'm hearing shots fired ... one did graze him. ... At the end he just turned around ... and then was shot multiple times."
These accounts, along with those supplied by the other teenager present highlight the severity of this case and, if nothing else, the case should have been investigated further by the court, but it wasn't and the fact remains, the police officer Darren Wilson, was let off too easily with no repercussions whilst one family has to grieve the loss of a son with no comfort that justice has been served.
ERIC GARNER
Eric Garner was caught by the police attempting to break up a fight that occurred in New York. When the police confronted him he spoke back, tried to defend himself from their verbal attack against him, but Garner was not willing to let himself be pushed around when he knew he was in the right. The police, who are there to "protect and serve" were not happy with this and place Garner in a choke hold after slamming a knee into his neck and repeatedly bashing his head against the wall.
Garner, who was by no means a man in excellent shape, repeatedly told the officers, "I can't breathe!" but they didn't listen, they continued to hold him and choke him until Garner eventually died after a cardiac arrest. This unprovoked attack could have been avoided if the police hadn't been so offended that a black man, who was doing no wrong, decided to defend his rights.
Garner did not resist the choke hold at any point during the confrontation and all he could do whilst more than 5 officers pinned him down was beg for help... He did not receive this.
This case has less grey area than the Ferguson case. Eric Garner was wrongfully murdered by the police force in New York and as a man with 6 children and 2 grandchildren plus an entire nationality scared to go out on the streets, I have to ask myself, what has our world come to?
At the end of the day, there is no way for me to ever truly understand the level of oppression that black people are feeling as of now, but I can certainly say without a doubt that I m ashamed to say that my nationality is still not over this discrimination that has haunted our world for generations and I can only hope that by never forgetting what has happened and by standing up to racism seen in every day I can help the world we live in progress further. Because black lives do matter and everyone deserves the right to breathe.
If you have any questions or disagree with any of my points then please feel free to comment,
Until next time,
Stephanie
Thursday, 17 July 2014
Bye Bye Michael Gove.
Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate the firing of Michael Gove as the Education Secretary in the UK. He will not be sorely missed.
As I am sure my constant readers will know, I am not a fan of Mr Michael Gove as I think the only thing he can do is screw over the UK's education system. Luckily for us, he has stepped down and a new woman has stepped up to the plate for her chance at reforming education for the better.
Her name: Nicky Morgan
Her task: Fix the mess Gove has left her
Nicky Morgan has made her way into parliament very quickly, only being elected in 2010, but, thanks to David Cameron's cabinet reshuffle in a bid to win more votes, she has been promoted to Education Secretary. The Conservatives have never been great with allowing women onto the team, despite Margaret Thatcher (the only female Prime Minister we have ever had) being one of them. Morgan is one of only two mothers who are in the latest cabinet which I think is an outrage seeing as having a child and sending it through the education system would give our politicians a better idea of what we go through... That being said most Torys end up going to private school anyway.
On the subject of Conservatives' belief system she has spoken against her party in saying that they need to "hate less" Morgan said in January the party needed to have a more constructive message than simply: "we're against this, we're anti-that, we don't like them, we don't want them here, we don't want them doing this." This, for me, makes her seem like a great choice for the person helping out the future generations.
However, things are not all peachy keen with the new Education Secretary. She voted against Gay marriage stating that: "I totally support civil partnerships and that same-sex relationships are recognised in law. But marriage, to me, is between a man and a woman." and she has also campaigned for the upper limit of abortion to go down from 24 weeks to 20 weeks.
Overall, I think the only thing we can do, despite me disagreeing with some of her morals, is wait and see if she can clean up the mess before the 2015 elections mean Cameron and his archaic party get the boot.
As always, thanks for listening and feel free to give me your own opinions below.
Stephanie.
As I am sure my constant readers will know, I am not a fan of Mr Michael Gove as I think the only thing he can do is screw over the UK's education system. Luckily for us, he has stepped down and a new woman has stepped up to the plate for her chance at reforming education for the better.
Her name: Nicky Morgan
Her task: Fix the mess Gove has left her
Nicky Morgan has made her way into parliament very quickly, only being elected in 2010, but, thanks to David Cameron's cabinet reshuffle in a bid to win more votes, she has been promoted to Education Secretary. The Conservatives have never been great with allowing women onto the team, despite Margaret Thatcher (the only female Prime Minister we have ever had) being one of them. Morgan is one of only two mothers who are in the latest cabinet which I think is an outrage seeing as having a child and sending it through the education system would give our politicians a better idea of what we go through... That being said most Torys end up going to private school anyway.
On the subject of Conservatives' belief system she has spoken against her party in saying that they need to "hate less" Morgan said in January the party needed to have a more constructive message than simply: "we're against this, we're anti-that, we don't like them, we don't want them here, we don't want them doing this." This, for me, makes her seem like a great choice for the person helping out the future generations.
However, things are not all peachy keen with the new Education Secretary. She voted against Gay marriage stating that: "I totally support civil partnerships and that same-sex relationships are recognised in law. But marriage, to me, is between a man and a woman." and she has also campaigned for the upper limit of abortion to go down from 24 weeks to 20 weeks.
Overall, I think the only thing we can do, despite me disagreeing with some of her morals, is wait and see if she can clean up the mess before the 2015 elections mean Cameron and his archaic party get the boot.
As always, thanks for listening and feel free to give me your own opinions below.
Stephanie.
Sunday, 22 June 2014
Apologies
It has been so long since I updated, but just letting you know that I have a new blog post in the making called "My Relationship with a Working Mother" and I am excited to see the reaction so stay tuned!
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