Packing for University

So, I have been absent for a long time on this blog and the reason is simple, I have been trying to pack everything up to go to University and it is not easy. When I started this process I assumed that the packing up part would be the easiest, I have no attachment to my room and when I move out my mum will be moving in. It's not decorated, it's not personalised by me, it's just a room I sleep in and a place where I can get away from my family. So silly naive me assumed it would be easy, just pack it up and move on out... Oh how wrong I was.

Firstly like, how much stuff do I have?! I've been sifting through all the things I have collected over the past 18 and a half years, and I am stumped... What do I bring?

I've got a lot of books, but I can't bring every single one with me. How do I choose which ones to bring with me. My plan, and my advice for anyone else who is planning on going to Uni is to only bring a few books that you think you will actually read. (Bearing in mind that your University course will be keeping you busy and you might not have much time to read) plus there will probably be a public library somewhere near you where you can borrow books you really want to read.

I know one of my flatmates is really into movies and I have a laptop I can play Netflix on so I'm only bringing my complete Pixar collection for just in case. I don't see much need to bring every DVD I own as I don't watch them that often, I'm more likely to use Netflix or find movies online that I can watch, I've got Amazon video so movies are no issue for me. The same goes for TV shows, the only shows I enjoy watching are shows I can get on Netflix or Amazon video. By not wanting to watch live TV I don't have to pay for a license (although I'm not sure I've ever heard of a student getting in trouble for not having one... but if you want to err on the side of caution then you might want to get one)

Then there's clothes, I'm moving to North Wales, it's by the sea, it's going to be windy, however, I'm a naturally warm person, I don't feel the cold as easily, but I don't want to risk never using them... It's very difficult, I'm going to be bringing all the clothes I wear regularly and put them in those vacuum bags so I can bring a lot with me. Hopefully there will be space, but who knows...

Anyway, sorry for the incoherence of this post, I'm out of touch with this blog writing malarkey, but yeah, I'm looking forward to Uni and I'm sure it will be a lot of fun, but packing it all is a lot more stressful than I thought it would be.

Until next time,

Stephanie

No longer a Working Girl

It all started in late May 2013, a young 16 year old me had been looking for a job since March, when her mother told her a new Hobbycraft store was opening in Eastbourne and was hiring all ages and all availabilities, this was my moment, I applied and was told I would hear back in four weeks or less. Four weeks went by and no reply came from Hobbycraft so I forgot about it and asked for a volunteer position at the cafe inside out town's hospital. It was the day before I accepted my position there when Hobbycraft called me in for an interview just two days later. I told the woman running the volunteer ran cafe that I would have to delay the acceptance for a while, which she was very happy to do for me. So I went to the interview scrubbed up in my mum's blouse and an old school skirt (money saving skillz) and my recent card making (by recent I mean I made them the night before).

This interview was not what I had expected though, we were allowed to do some crafting and it was, by all means, fun, I made sure to talk to everyone, aware that we were being watched and this was clearly to assess our communication and social skills as well as our ability to learn new crafts. (I stuck to decopatch, something I knew I could do) and soon I was called in for my official interview.

It's worth mentioning that I was nervous during the introductions so I didn't listen or absorb the information they gave us of the names of the people who would be doing the interviews. The man interviewing me, it turns out, was my manager, but lord knows I didn't know that until after the interview, but I'm kind of glad, I probably would have been much more nervous if I had known.

The interview, as far as I was concerned, went okay, but I knew I had fucked up a couple of things, but I left and didn't think I'd hear from them again, but they called me and offered me a four hour contract, which was fine for me, I only needed a few hours every weekend as I was also going to be going to college that year.

The manager, it turns out, was awful, just truly awful, I found him irritating and just not very friendly, proven by his attitude on his last day when he quit and was just very rude to every customer. Luckily he wasn't there for very long.

Apart from him, I really liked my colleagues and I was paid money to do things I enjoyed and was already doing for free with my beaver scout group. I was very happy!

Unfortunately, though, the reality of retail soon caught up with me. On the whole I got on well with customers and I didn't mind doing the little annoying tasks like stocking buttons or fiddly paper craft stuff, but there was a handful experiences that made me understand how difficult retail can be.

One time someone asked to sniff my hair.

This is not a joke, a man literally asked to sniff my hair. It was scary. At the time I had a pink and blue ends on my hair (and they looked terrible, but that's not the point) anyway, for ease at work I wore my hair in two plaits either side of my head. This man had bought probably the cheapest item we offer, a small pack of chocolate buttons. I completed the transaction and was asking him things like how his day was, standard small talk. Then this happens:

"You have lovely hair,"
"Thank you! Would you like a bag with that?"
"Can I smell your hair?"
"..."
"Please"
"Sorry, no, no thank you, here's your receipt,"
"Please, I promise I'll leave once I've smelt it,"
"No, you may not smell my hair, is there anything else I can help you with today sir?"
"Can you at least tell me what it smells like, I just have this thing..."
"um... I mean... I use an apple scented shampoo so... Apples?"

He then moans/sighs and then takes his item and leaves. It was terrifying! It was probably the third most terrifying interaction I've had in my entire life.

Anyway, so apart from that and some very rude customers, I've actually enjoyed my time at Hobbycraft. My colleagues and regular customers have been wonderful to see every week and I am going to miss it!

I did look into a transfer to another store, closer to Bangor, but I had no luck, so I will be having to start somewhere new when I arrive at University.

But I have to lend my thanks to Hobbycraft for hiring me even though I had no retail experience and, despite some weird experiences, being a very very good first job. Thank you to my managers, and thank you to my colleagues and customers, and last of all a massive thank you to my mum for giving me a lift to work every day you can.

On to the next adventure.

As always feel free to leave a comment below, maybe tell me your experiences with jobs you've had.

Until next time,

Stephanie

Unforeseen Circumstances

Unfortunately there is going to be a massive delay in me getting any posts to you all today or tomorrow or maybe even Monday because my laptop has gone in for repair and I can't rely on my phone to run this blog.

Hopefully it will all be better by next Saturday and we can return to the normal schedule, but I will try to keep you updated. I still haven't decided what to write for Sociology Sunday so I guess this is kind of a blessing in disguise for me... *wink*

However the next Confidence post will be all about appreciating the face and the next "wild card Monday" should be about me leaving work.

Until then, I hope you all have a wonderful week,

Speak soon,

Stephanie

University!!! *Wilhelm Scream*

So I recently, like most 18 year olds in England, received my A level results and they were good, not amazing, but good enough. I got my place at Bangor University in North Wales where I also got a scholarship. All good things. I've spoken to some of my future fresher friends and overall I feel really good about the experience and the journey I am about to embark on. However, there are some things I have been doing that are stressful, but totally worth the effort before arriving in Bangor.


Tip number one: So the first thing I have done is compile a list of things to take with me to University, this has been, probably, the longest I've spent doing a single thing for Uni, but I wanted to make sure I would have everything together for the first day and that I wouldn't have any problems with a last minute rush to the shops before I can party like the fresher I am. Luckily my mum has been great and she has let me pick things out and we have slowly built up a collection of things to take to University with me.


Tip number two: Buy things in advance, non-perishables that can be packed up into boxes.

Tip number three: Make a list of things you want to buy upon arrival at the University e.g. food essentials.

Tip number four: I wish someone had warned me that maintenance loans and grants don't arrive in your bank account as soon as you begin. I, for example, have a week where I will have to rely on my own money. Luckily my accommodation money doesn't have to be in for a week either otherwise I would be screwed.

In terms of money, I am terrified I will spend too much on pointless things like clubbing and drinking and then have none left for food. My mother has promised me she will not let this happen, but, as I previously mentioned, we are a working class family and as such, we don't have much money to spare so I will be relying on government support (I can hear the Tory cries in the wind). Because of this I have been looking into different back account options as I, personally, may need to make use of an interest free overdraft.

Tip number five: Research bank accounts. So many of them will offer you freebies, but, you need to look beyond that. Whilst a free £60 gift card for Amazon seems like a good deal, it may not be exactly what you're after. So do as much research as possible into your card. (For UK residence I recommend going with Santander or HSBC) and don't forget, you can switch accounts at any time so don't feel like you have to stay with one bank forever.

Tip number six: Work out your budget before you leave. I am in the process of working out how much money I need for food, how much I need for accommodation and how much I will need to visit family during holidays. (train and coach fares for example) I think a good thing to do is make a list and then you know exactly how much you can spend on alcohol and parties etc.

Tip number seven: Ask for help. I spent ages thinking I would come across as silly or immature or codependent if I asked my mum or dad to drive me to University or if I asked them for advice. In fact I still get a little bit defensive and just yesterday told my mum she was treating me like a child and lecturing me where I didn't need it. But I do need help sometimes, I've never had to look after my own finances before. I'm quite an independent person, but this is a scary, new experience for not just me, but many others. No question is too stupid or too ridiculous, ask for the help, it is there if you need it.

And that's all the help I can offer at the moment, I want to keep offering help and tell you stories of my time as a fresher at Uni so expect some more Uni related posts, but for now, if you are heading into University remember to stay safe, stay calm and prepare!

Until next time,

Stephanie

Confidence Series: Skincare

It took me a long time to realise that caring for my skin would make me feel completely different about myself. I have combination skin in that it can get very oily around my T-Zone and it can also get very dry around my eyebrows and beside my nostrils. Growing up I was lucky that the combination cancelled each other out very well and I suffered from little to no skin problems at all.

When I finished going through puberty my skin started to get more spots. I had, naively assumed that my skin would not get bad because I was through puberty. I was wrong, and I didn't help it by getting the ugliest full fringe I could possibly get. What this meant was I began getting a lot more spots due to the speed with which my fringe got greasy and by the sheer oil build up on my face.

I began to combat it with the clean and clear exfoliating scrub, but it didn't really work well because I could not be bothered to do it every night along with everything else and when I was busy I forgot and my skin went to shit again, but I bring good news... I have found ones that do not require rinsing which means I can just get some cotton wool pads and wipe my face clean without leaving my bed. And if I'm running late I can take the items with me... Of course, that's if I don't want to do makeup before I leave.

My treatment now consists of using: Garnier Micellar Cleansing Water to remove make-up; Clean and Clear deep cleansing lotion; Clean and Clear blackhead clearing cleanser; and Nivea Toner. I genuinely felt a difference after one treatment. (This isn't sponsored by the way, but if any of these companies want to hit me up I am not opposed to it)

Moisturising is also something I don't have the time for and... confession time, I don't currently use a moisturiser, although it is next on my list of things to introduce to my daily routine.

So tip number one: Find a skin care treatment that suits your schedule and your needs. (Toner is a must have in my opinion, it makes your pores smaller and less prone to blackheads)

This has made me feel better about not wearing makeup and actually it has made me feel better at wearing make-up which was a surprise to me, but the make-up looks better on skin with smaller pores and smoother skin.

That is the perfect segway onto the next topic: makeup. As I have discussed before, makeup is just something fun for me to do when I have half an hour to spare in the morning or for if I want to look extra hot for a night out. And like I have discussed previously, I used to feel like I had to wear make-up and I used to think the only way to feel good about myself was to wear make-up.

It was quite easy for me to get comfortable not wearing make-up. What I chose to do to help me feel more confident in my skin and with my face was to not wear it for a weekend when I knew I wasn't going anywhere. And I mean I stayed at home all weekend, I only went out to the shops once and I felt okay about what I had done, then I went a whole week without make-up and that meant going to school. (If you are more attached to make-up than I am then try lessening the amount you wear for a few days until you feel ready, this is all about you feeling comfortable) Soon I found myself enjoying having more sleep and not worrying about look 100% all the time. It's stressful, and most people didn't notice, or they at least didn't say anything. I received a few "you look tired" comments, but soon no one said anything and I felt great.

Now I wear make-up more again because I enjoy the process of putting it on and I enjoy trying out new products. The only other thing I can suggest in terms of make-up is to not use make-up wipes to remove it because they can increase oil build up or decrease moisture. (Of course they are still better than nothing so use them if nothing else is on hand) And also, just have fun, make-up hasn't always been a thing and I'm sure there will come a time where it is less expected of women to always wear it.

Tip two is: Have fun with make-up and take care in removing it!

The final thing I want to discuss with you in terms of skincare is to remember that it's your skin and no one else can really have any power over it other than you and if you have a few spots or imperfections, just rock them, most people get face spots and most people understand that sometimes you need to let them be free from make-up.

Of course I can't comment on birthmarks as I wasn't born with any significant one's on my face, but I would love to hear any other tips you guys have, and any products you think I should try out!

To get more comfortable with my skin I did that stereotypical thing of looking in a mirror and identifying parts of my skin that looked good. Like the little freckles I have over my shoulders. I also recommend being naked with yourself. I know that might seem taboo to talk about on a blog that I know my friends and family read, but I feel it's important to be as confident as you can about aspects of your own body and one way to do that is to be naked (As it was intended *ding*)

Tip three, therefore, is: Love yourself and the skin you're in and embrace parts of yourself you find difficult to live with!

That's all for now, next week's installment of the Confidence Series will be about the face in general and how to feel good about your overall face area.

Until next time,

Stephanie

Confidence Series: Introduction

I will be starting a new series where I discuss my journey on the path to confidence in myself and in my actions and thoughts. I was never a very confident person. After suffering with depression and anxiety in silence for so many years I hoarded a lot of self hate and found it was way easier for me to beat myself up over things than let someone else do it for me. (which they still did, as discussed in a previous post I was bullied).

It hurt less when they did it because they were just confirming what I already know, but I'm getting better now, my confidence has probably tripled by now and it only grows each day. And I want to make note of this journey I've been on and maybe impart some wisdom on the way so join me, if you will, and see what I have to say on the topic.

I look forward to seeing your responses to the first post which will be going up on Friday 14th at 8pm GMT. (So that's London time)

Until then,

Stephanie

Falling Back in Love with Reading

It feels great to be able to say that I am back in the swing of things and reading and buying books after nearly two years of suffering with "reader's block"! It was terrible, I just couldn't get into any of the books I wanted to read or any that I had to read for my college course. (My friend Shannon has more than a couple of things to say about my lack of reading of The Great Gatsby)

Recently I went into town with my friend Glenn and bought so many books and I can't wait to read them all. I've started with something really easy to read, no plot, just a book full of advice. It's called "Life with a Sprinkle of Glitter" by a Youtuber called Louise Pentland. It's not that intellectually stimulating, but it has given me lots of great advice for University.

My next book will probably be Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn which is highly recommended by almost everyone, but especially my good friends Rachael and Shannon who keep talking about it and I'm getting serious FOMO so I am definitely going to read it before the end of the year.

I tell myself the reason I fell out of love with reading was just a combination of the time I was putting into College and work instead of trying to relax every now and then, and it has just been very difficult for me to find books that really entice me and it's made me very sad. (Reading was always something that provided me with so much warmth and comfort.)

But I think the real reason, if I'm honest with myself, is the bout of depression I have been suffering with. They say when you suffer with anxiety and depression you stop doing things you enjoy, or find little joy in them anymore, and I think that's true, for me anyway. I know depression is different for everyone.

When I came home from my time in town with my friend Glenn I just took a moment to look at the books, not even reading any of them, just flicking through the pages and feeling the rough paper against my fingertips. And the smell, I forgot how good books can smell, for me, they smell like home. I can't wait to lose myself in their pages, forget I'm turning them and forget the words I'm reading and just live in the story. I've missed that feeling so much and I have only just realised it, but now I am excited, excited to welcome back the part of my life I regret losing the most through this terrible dark time.

I can't for sure say that this won't happen again, but I hope more than anything that it doesn't, I am already leaving that place behind me and, with the next adventure of my life being University, and the distance I am planning on going for it, hopefully this can be a fresh start for me and my books.

Okay this has gotten seriously soppy now so I think I am going to leave it here and go and finish Life with a Sprinkle of Glitter so I can move onto the next book.

As always let me know what you think of this post and please recommend some of your favourite books to me so I can buy more of them!

Until next time,

Stephanie.

Dear 10 Year Old Me

Dear 10 year old me,

This is a warning.

You're about to go into Secondary school and only one of your friends from Primary school will be joining you. This makes you happy, but you don't know what's to come. You and she drift apart, it's not something that bothers you anymore, but at the time it sucked so much, you thought that was what would eventually happen to all of your friendships, but I promise it doesn't.

You make it through the first half of your first year with an abundance of friends, you have never been this popular before, almost everyone in your classes seems to get along with you and you have a nice big group of friends who seem to care for you, you even get a boyfriend (he turns out to bat for the other team, but you're still really good friends with him), everything seems to be going so well for you, but it wasn't destined to last. One by one you lose friends and you lose faith in the people around you ever liking you from the start.

Then the bullying starts. Everyone is turning against you, people you once called best friends, people you held on such high pedestals it's hardly surprising you fell when they did. By the end of your first year you only have one friend. But you don't mind because she is a good friend. It's the bullying that gets to you. It's relentless, you consider calling in sick, feigning an illness so terrible you never have to see those people again, but you love school so much that you keep going, no matter what you have to learn because that spark in you is still there.

But I have some bad news for you, you turn into a bitch, you pick on those less fortunate than you because you don't yet realise that you can be better than them and take the high road. You harbour all your hate for these bullies and you force others to endure that hatred, you feel better for a split second, it means someone else understands how you feel, but then you feel guilty because you feel like shit and to realise that you made someone else feel this way makes it feel like a knife is being stabbed into your stomach and twisted round and round until there's nothing left. But you don't learn until much later.

Second year ends and you still only have one friend, but you enjoy your summer with your family, always with your family, never with friends. And when you return for your third year, that one friend you held onto through the bullying, stops talking to you. You don't know why and you begin writing lists of reasons someone could hate you, but reading back on them you realise these are just reasons you hate yourself and you do, you think you need others to justify your happiness. You cry out for a friend and one day...someone hears you.

You begin with one friend that you make in science class and through them you meet more and more people. It took you a while, but you got there again.

In fourth year one friend in particular becomes someone very dear to you and you have to admire her because she has forgiven you for all the shit you unloaded onto her in second year. There isn't a day that goes by that you don't thank your lucky stars to have found her because she inspires you everyday to be ruthless in dealing with terrible, poisonous people, and you used to be one of them for her. She slays you and all your faves. (And I'm sure she'll love reading this, I do hate being this sentimental)

Secondary school, for this reason, is both the best and worst part of your life so far. A lot of me thinks it's the reason you're still messed up emotionally (you were way worse until about a month ago).

And that's really what this letter is about, to remind myself and other people that it does get better. I've definitely taken myself to dark places that I thought I would never get out of, but a small group of people have helped me overcome this terrible sadness that loomed over me and I really want to credit them, but I don't want to do it on here in such an impersonal way. I hope you know who you are, whether it's comforting me when I drink and cry, when I sober cry, when I need a laugh, or just don't want to be alone, you all sit with me, invite me over for movie nights and just make my days brighter.

I love you all, and to 10 year old me I say, from this position I'm in now, I wouldn't change a thing because without those shitty years, you might not be where you are today.

Until next time,

Stephanie

Head's up...

The next post is in a very different format, and it is another honest personal one, very much like my  "Relationship with a Working Mother" this one will be called "Dear 10 Year Old Me" and it is a letter to myself when I was ten... 8 years ago... wow! So yeah, be prepared and let me know if it's not a style you like or whatever.

See you in a bit,

Stephanie

My Experience with Makeup (another kind of ramble I guess)

"Oh here we go, she's one of those beauty bloggers now, this is how it all began with Zoella and Sprinkleofglitter and now Steph's copying them in the hopes of being as rich and successful as them."

Whilst that would be lovely, that is so not what's happening right now.

This is my honest struggle with makeup and my opinion of the silly, yet wonderful thing.

Let's go right back to where it all began, the first time I wore makeup.

The first time I wore makeup (because I thought I had to for some reason) was my first day of Year 7 so age 11. I did the makeup myself, thought I looked pretty damn fine with my sparkly brown eyeshadow and clear lipgloss and cheap mascara and to be fair, it wasn't horrible, but it also wasn't my thing, like sleep for 10 extra minutes or do my makeup... I know which one 11 year old me was choosing. So I stopped after about a week.

The next memory I have of makeup is this one girl from my year at school who caked her face in makeup to cover up spots (by this point we were about 13), but it just made her spots worse and I vowed never to wear makeup ever because I had clear skin and I didn't want to ruin it. (Now looking back I realise that judging her for wearing a lot of makeup to feel more comfortable is none of my business and totally her choice, and makeup doesn't cause spots, it's other things like not washing your face or just naturally being more prone to breakouts, but at the time I was like a right bitch, several of my now friends can testify to that fact, but more about that another time)

I don't really remember when I started wearing makeup again, it was probably at the age of 14 that I experimented with pale pink lipstick (definitely not the right colour choice) but I definitely wore makeup in the last two years of my life at secondary school and this was probably the moment I realised, truly, how difficult makeup and the social pressures of makeup really are.

On a typical day I would apply a fine cover of foundation, some cheap concealer that always clumped around my eyes, some eyeshadow, eyeliner (just the waterline pencil though, never liquid whilst in school) and mascara. Then lip balm because I wasn't a fan of lipstick at the time. I would apply all of this in the morning, go to school, come home and wipe it all off (by the end of the day there was never much left on anyway)

I began to notice that a lot of girls would bring their makeup with them and reapply it constantly throughout the day and they would sometimes ask me why I never did or sometimes didn't wear makeup at all. (even to this day I sometimes just can't be arsed with the process of applying makeup)

Here's why... I've just never cared about my face, it's there, it's always going to be there and look the way it does and yeah, sometimes I enjoy makeup, often I feel as though it's fun and makes me look fucking hot, but I also love not wearing makeup and sleeping for an extra half an hour (notice the time change) And I love being comfortable with my face, leaving the house with no makeup on makes me feel just as pretty as doing my makeup (and when I do my makeup now I usually go full out! It's so much fun!)

And I think part of me being comfortable with my own face sans makeup is that I don't judge others, I've never told someone they look tired or ill because I mistook lack of makeup for health issues (and believe me a lot of people have made that mistake with me!)

At the end of the day though, despite me feeling that I had to wear makeup at the beginning of Secondary school at the wee age of 11 and feeling less than sometimes towards the end because of my lack of makeup, I've definitely enjoyed learning about the world of makeup and I love trying out new products and I would love, one day, to have a professional do whatever they want to my hair and makeup to see what they would do with my natural face!

So yeah, wear makeup or don't. If you do more of one or the other then try going a week or two doing the opposite. I tend to not wear makeup unless I'm going out with friends or going to work so I tried doing makeup everyday for two weeks and it was tiring as hell! But yeah, you don't have to, it's just interesting to see what you feel like if/when you do. (This all goes for men too)



Here is me with and without makeup (pretty hot either way to be perfectly honest, and humble)


As always feel free to comment down below any opinions you have and let me know if you've had any weird makeup experiences!

Until next time,

Stephanie