University!!! *Wilhelm Scream*

So I recently, like most 18 year olds in England, received my A level results and they were good, not amazing, but good enough. I got my place at Bangor University in North Wales where I also got a scholarship. All good things. I've spoken to some of my future fresher friends and overall I feel really good about the experience and the journey I am about to embark on. However, there are some things I have been doing that are stressful, but totally worth the effort before arriving in Bangor.


Tip number one: So the first thing I have done is compile a list of things to take with me to University, this has been, probably, the longest I've spent doing a single thing for Uni, but I wanted to make sure I would have everything together for the first day and that I wouldn't have any problems with a last minute rush to the shops before I can party like the fresher I am. Luckily my mum has been great and she has let me pick things out and we have slowly built up a collection of things to take to University with me.


Tip number two: Buy things in advance, non-perishables that can be packed up into boxes.

Tip number three: Make a list of things you want to buy upon arrival at the University e.g. food essentials.

Tip number four: I wish someone had warned me that maintenance loans and grants don't arrive in your bank account as soon as you begin. I, for example, have a week where I will have to rely on my own money. Luckily my accommodation money doesn't have to be in for a week either otherwise I would be screwed.

In terms of money, I am terrified I will spend too much on pointless things like clubbing and drinking and then have none left for food. My mother has promised me she will not let this happen, but, as I previously mentioned, we are a working class family and as such, we don't have much money to spare so I will be relying on government support (I can hear the Tory cries in the wind). Because of this I have been looking into different back account options as I, personally, may need to make use of an interest free overdraft.

Tip number five: Research bank accounts. So many of them will offer you freebies, but, you need to look beyond that. Whilst a free £60 gift card for Amazon seems like a good deal, it may not be exactly what you're after. So do as much research as possible into your card. (For UK residence I recommend going with Santander or HSBC) and don't forget, you can switch accounts at any time so don't feel like you have to stay with one bank forever.

Tip number six: Work out your budget before you leave. I am in the process of working out how much money I need for food, how much I need for accommodation and how much I will need to visit family during holidays. (train and coach fares for example) I think a good thing to do is make a list and then you know exactly how much you can spend on alcohol and parties etc.

Tip number seven: Ask for help. I spent ages thinking I would come across as silly or immature or codependent if I asked my mum or dad to drive me to University or if I asked them for advice. In fact I still get a little bit defensive and just yesterday told my mum she was treating me like a child and lecturing me where I didn't need it. But I do need help sometimes, I've never had to look after my own finances before. I'm quite an independent person, but this is a scary, new experience for not just me, but many others. No question is too stupid or too ridiculous, ask for the help, it is there if you need it.

And that's all the help I can offer at the moment, I want to keep offering help and tell you stories of my time as a fresher at Uni so expect some more Uni related posts, but for now, if you are heading into University remember to stay safe, stay calm and prepare!

Until next time,

Stephanie

My Relationship with a Working Mother

My mother is a retail worker, always has been, probably always will be. I don't have the normal relationship with my mother most teenagers have with their parents, but that doesn't make it any less special to me.

Let me explain.

This is a very personal topic for me to address online, but I feel that society often thinks of the types of relationships you can have with one or both of your parents is either very loving and providing or abusive and disconnected. For me, this hasn't been the case.

For as long as I can remember I have always wanted more attention from my mum than I receive, this comes partly from the amount of children she had to raise (3 from my father's previous marriage for a while and then 4 of her own) and the fact that both of my full-brothers have behaviour problems. Add onto that that I am one of the middle children, the results are conclusive, I didn't receive that much attention.

I am not saying in anyway that my mother neglected me, she was brilliant, kind and, above all, she cared for all of her children and this is where the problem lay. Whilst my mum was out working I would be in school, but when we (me and my siblings) were all old enough to walk home and be left at home on our own my mother would take on longer hours and would work for more days so that she could afford to send us all on school trips, buy our clothes, food etc.

During the first four years of my life my mum and dad went through a divorce, I have never been able to remember my dad being a full-time part of my life and a part of me will always grieve that, but we still went round to his for the weekends and slept over every other weekend (Boys one week, girls the next and so on). For my mum this meant 4 hours of peace (which usually meant housework) and then only half the kids to deal with for a night. This did result in me getting more attention than I would usually so I was happier with that, but I never really cared or realised this was as good as it got.

At the time this was all happening I was blissfully unaware of how it would affect my relationship with my mother, as she strove to make sure I had the same chances all the other kids had, in the future.

Now I bring you to present day.

I am working every Saturday, at least, for four hours, earning my own money so my mum doesn't have to take on the hours at work to provide for the family as I can now provide for myself, but she still does because she still insists that I don't have to pay any rent for living under her roof (Despite my offers of money) this is why I say, my mum's intentions have only ever been to care for her children.

However, I would argue me and my mum have a relationship with no obvious signs of love. If you were on the outside looking in the only thing that really connects us is the way we look similar. I love my mum more than anyone else in the world and I am thankful for every day I get to spend with her, but it isn't something we say to each other a lot.

Me and my mum don't sit and gossip about who I like, who is annoying me, any boys or girls on the horizon for my love life. She isn't always there for me when I need a shoulder to cry on and I can't rely on my siblings for help as the only two who live with me are younger and don't really understand. I can't vent when I get home if something happened at college that has particularly set off a nerve because I do the dinner every night for my family and, yes, sometimes I feel like a second mum, but without the financial burden. When my sister wouldn't go to school I sat down with her to find out why it was she didn't want to go in and convinced her to go in the end.

I don't want my mum to feel bad for this happening, but the fact is, it does and I understand while I am the one my sister might choose to go to when it comes to emotional support, without my mum I wouldn't have been able to go on all of the school trips I went on and I probably wouldn't have my friends I have now as the independence and confidence I have gained from taking on the role in my family I have taken on is a huge part of my personality.

I digress.

The point is, me and my mum have a complicated relationship that works as almost equals, until I do something wrong then she is the parent and what she says goes. All I can hope for is that, once I have moved out and my siblings are earning their own money, my mum can cut back her working hours and relax because she has done so much for me and I couldn't possibly thank her enough.

As I am literally crying I say to you, find someone you love and tell them. I am trying to build up a new relationship with my mum where I can go to her for gossip sessions like my friends inform me they do with their respective guardians or find the time to sit with her and chat, but it is hard work and I think people are often too focused on their own lives to look at the relationships they hold with those closest to them.

As always if you have any questions then feel free to ask me,

Until next time,

Stephanie