So, I have been absent for a long time on this blog and the reason is simple, I have been trying to pack everything up to go to University and it is not easy. When I started this process I assumed that the packing up part would be the easiest, I have no attachment to my room and when I move out my mum will be moving in. It's not decorated, it's not personalised by me, it's just a room I sleep in and a place where I can get away from my family. So silly naive me assumed it would be easy, just pack it up and move on out... Oh how wrong I was.
Firstly like, how much stuff do I have?! I've been sifting through all the things I have collected over the past 18 and a half years, and I am stumped... What do I bring?
I've got a lot of books, but I can't bring every single one with me. How do I choose which ones to bring with me. My plan, and my advice for anyone else who is planning on going to Uni is to only bring a few books that you think you will actually read. (Bearing in mind that your University course will be keeping you busy and you might not have much time to read) plus there will probably be a public library somewhere near you where you can borrow books you really want to read.
I know one of my flatmates is really into movies and I have a laptop I can play Netflix on so I'm only bringing my complete Pixar collection for just in case. I don't see much need to bring every DVD I own as I don't watch them that often, I'm more likely to use Netflix or find movies online that I can watch, I've got Amazon video so movies are no issue for me. The same goes for TV shows, the only shows I enjoy watching are shows I can get on Netflix or Amazon video. By not wanting to watch live TV I don't have to pay for a license (although I'm not sure I've ever heard of a student getting in trouble for not having one... but if you want to err on the side of caution then you might want to get one)
Then there's clothes, I'm moving to North Wales, it's by the sea, it's going to be windy, however, I'm a naturally warm person, I don't feel the cold as easily, but I don't want to risk never using them... It's very difficult, I'm going to be bringing all the clothes I wear regularly and put them in those vacuum bags so I can bring a lot with me. Hopefully there will be space, but who knows...
Anyway, sorry for the incoherence of this post, I'm out of touch with this blog writing malarkey, but yeah, I'm looking forward to Uni and I'm sure it will be a lot of fun, but packing it all is a lot more stressful than I thought it would be.
Until next time,
Stephanie
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Monday, 14 September 2015
Tuesday, 8 September 2015
No longer a Working Girl
It all started in late May 2013, a young 16 year old me had been looking for a job since March, when her mother told her a new Hobbycraft store was opening in Eastbourne and was hiring all ages and all availabilities, this was my moment, I applied and was told I would hear back in four weeks or less. Four weeks went by and no reply came from Hobbycraft so I forgot about it and asked for a volunteer position at the cafe inside out town's hospital. It was the day before I accepted my position there when Hobbycraft called me in for an interview just two days later. I told the woman running the volunteer ran cafe that I would have to delay the acceptance for a while, which she was very happy to do for me. So I went to the interview scrubbed up in my mum's blouse and an old school skirt (money saving skillz) and my recent card making (by recent I mean I made them the night before).
This interview was not what I had expected though, we were allowed to do some crafting and it was, by all means, fun, I made sure to talk to everyone, aware that we were being watched and this was clearly to assess our communication and social skills as well as our ability to learn new crafts. (I stuck to decopatch, something I knew I could do) and soon I was called in for my official interview.
It's worth mentioning that I was nervous during the introductions so I didn't listen or absorb the information they gave us of the names of the people who would be doing the interviews. The man interviewing me, it turns out, was my manager, but lord knows I didn't know that until after the interview, but I'm kind of glad, I probably would have been much more nervous if I had known.
The interview, as far as I was concerned, went okay, but I knew I had fucked up a couple of things, but I left and didn't think I'd hear from them again, but they called me and offered me a four hour contract, which was fine for me, I only needed a few hours every weekend as I was also going to be going to college that year.
The manager, it turns out, was awful, just truly awful, I found him irritating and just not very friendly, proven by his attitude on his last day when he quit and was just very rude to every customer. Luckily he wasn't there for very long.
Apart from him, I really liked my colleagues and I was paid money to do things I enjoyed and was already doing for free with my beaver scout group. I was very happy!
Unfortunately, though, the reality of retail soon caught up with me. On the whole I got on well with customers and I didn't mind doing the little annoying tasks like stocking buttons or fiddly paper craft stuff, but there was a handful experiences that made me understand how difficult retail can be.
One time someone asked to sniff my hair.
This is not a joke, a man literally asked to sniff my hair. It was scary. At the time I had a pink and blue ends on my hair (and they looked terrible, but that's not the point) anyway, for ease at work I wore my hair in two plaits either side of my head. This man had bought probably the cheapest item we offer, a small pack of chocolate buttons. I completed the transaction and was asking him things like how his day was, standard small talk. Then this happens:
"You have lovely hair,"
"Thank you! Would you like a bag with that?"
"Can I smell your hair?"
"..."
"Please"
"Sorry, no, no thank you, here's your receipt,"
"Please, I promise I'll leave once I've smelt it,"
"No, you may not smell my hair, is there anything else I can help you with today sir?"
"Can you at least tell me what it smells like, I just have this thing..."
"um... I mean... I use an apple scented shampoo so... Apples?"
He then moans/sighs and then takes his item and leaves. It was terrifying! It was probably the third most terrifying interaction I've had in my entire life.
Anyway, so apart from that and some very rude customers, I've actually enjoyed my time at Hobbycraft. My colleagues and regular customers have been wonderful to see every week and I am going to miss it!
I did look into a transfer to another store, closer to Bangor, but I had no luck, so I will be having to start somewhere new when I arrive at University.
But I have to lend my thanks to Hobbycraft for hiring me even though I had no retail experience and, despite some weird experiences, being a very very good first job. Thank you to my managers, and thank you to my colleagues and customers, and last of all a massive thank you to my mum for giving me a lift to work every day you can.
On to the next adventure.
As always feel free to leave a comment below, maybe tell me your experiences with jobs you've had.
Until next time,
Stephanie
This interview was not what I had expected though, we were allowed to do some crafting and it was, by all means, fun, I made sure to talk to everyone, aware that we were being watched and this was clearly to assess our communication and social skills as well as our ability to learn new crafts. (I stuck to decopatch, something I knew I could do) and soon I was called in for my official interview.
It's worth mentioning that I was nervous during the introductions so I didn't listen or absorb the information they gave us of the names of the people who would be doing the interviews. The man interviewing me, it turns out, was my manager, but lord knows I didn't know that until after the interview, but I'm kind of glad, I probably would have been much more nervous if I had known.
The interview, as far as I was concerned, went okay, but I knew I had fucked up a couple of things, but I left and didn't think I'd hear from them again, but they called me and offered me a four hour contract, which was fine for me, I only needed a few hours every weekend as I was also going to be going to college that year.
The manager, it turns out, was awful, just truly awful, I found him irritating and just not very friendly, proven by his attitude on his last day when he quit and was just very rude to every customer. Luckily he wasn't there for very long.
Apart from him, I really liked my colleagues and I was paid money to do things I enjoyed and was already doing for free with my beaver scout group. I was very happy!
Unfortunately, though, the reality of retail soon caught up with me. On the whole I got on well with customers and I didn't mind doing the little annoying tasks like stocking buttons or fiddly paper craft stuff, but there was a handful experiences that made me understand how difficult retail can be.
One time someone asked to sniff my hair.
This is not a joke, a man literally asked to sniff my hair. It was scary. At the time I had a pink and blue ends on my hair (and they looked terrible, but that's not the point) anyway, for ease at work I wore my hair in two plaits either side of my head. This man had bought probably the cheapest item we offer, a small pack of chocolate buttons. I completed the transaction and was asking him things like how his day was, standard small talk. Then this happens:
"You have lovely hair,"
"Thank you! Would you like a bag with that?"
"Can I smell your hair?"
"..."
"Please"
"Sorry, no, no thank you, here's your receipt,"
"Please, I promise I'll leave once I've smelt it,"
"No, you may not smell my hair, is there anything else I can help you with today sir?"
"Can you at least tell me what it smells like, I just have this thing..."
"um... I mean... I use an apple scented shampoo so... Apples?"
He then moans/sighs and then takes his item and leaves. It was terrifying! It was probably the third most terrifying interaction I've had in my entire life.
Anyway, so apart from that and some very rude customers, I've actually enjoyed my time at Hobbycraft. My colleagues and regular customers have been wonderful to see every week and I am going to miss it!
I did look into a transfer to another store, closer to Bangor, but I had no luck, so I will be having to start somewhere new when I arrive at University.
But I have to lend my thanks to Hobbycraft for hiring me even though I had no retail experience and, despite some weird experiences, being a very very good first job. Thank you to my managers, and thank you to my colleagues and customers, and last of all a massive thank you to my mum for giving me a lift to work every day you can.
On to the next adventure.
As always feel free to leave a comment below, maybe tell me your experiences with jobs you've had.
Until next time,
Stephanie
Saturday, 25 July 2015
My Experience with Makeup (another kind of ramble I guess)
"Oh here we go, she's one of those beauty bloggers now, this is how it all began with Zoella and Sprinkleofglitter and now Steph's copying them in the hopes of being as rich and successful as them."
Whilst that would be lovely, that is so not what's happening right now.
This is my honest struggle with makeup and my opinion of the silly, yet wonderful thing.
Let's go right back to where it all began, the first time I wore makeup.
The first time I wore makeup (because I thought I had to for some reason) was my first day of Year 7 so age 11. I did the makeup myself, thought I looked pretty damn fine with my sparkly brown eyeshadow and clear lipgloss and cheap mascara and to be fair, it wasn't horrible, but it also wasn't my thing, like sleep for 10 extra minutes or do my makeup... I know which one 11 year old me was choosing. So I stopped after about a week.
The next memory I have of makeup is this one girl from my year at school who caked her face in makeup to cover up spots (by this point we were about 13), but it just made her spots worse and I vowed never to wear makeup ever because I had clear skin and I didn't want to ruin it. (Now looking back I realise that judging her for wearing a lot of makeup to feel more comfortable is none of my business and totally her choice, and makeup doesn't cause spots, it's other things like not washing your face or just naturally being more prone to breakouts, but at the time I was like a right bitch, several of my now friends can testify to that fact, but more about that another time)
I don't really remember when I started wearing makeup again, it was probably at the age of 14 that I experimented with pale pink lipstick (definitely not the right colour choice) but I definitely wore makeup in the last two years of my life at secondary school and this was probably the moment I realised, truly, how difficult makeup and the social pressures of makeup really are.
On a typical day I would apply a fine cover of foundation, some cheap concealer that always clumped around my eyes, some eyeshadow, eyeliner (just the waterline pencil though, never liquid whilst in school) and mascara. Then lip balm because I wasn't a fan of lipstick at the time. I would apply all of this in the morning, go to school, come home and wipe it all off (by the end of the day there was never much left on anyway)
I began to notice that a lot of girls would bring their makeup with them and reapply it constantly throughout the day and they would sometimes ask me why I never did or sometimes didn't wear makeup at all. (even to this day I sometimes just can't be arsed with the process of applying makeup)
Here's why... I've just never cared about my face, it's there, it's always going to be there and look the way it does and yeah, sometimes I enjoy makeup, often I feel as though it's fun and makes me look fucking hot, but I also love not wearing makeup and sleeping for an extra half an hour (notice the time change) And I love being comfortable with my face, leaving the house with no makeup on makes me feel just as pretty as doing my makeup (and when I do my makeup now I usually go full out! It's so much fun!)
And I think part of me being comfortable with my own face sans makeup is that I don't judge others, I've never told someone they look tired or ill because I mistook lack of makeup for health issues (and believe me a lot of people have made that mistake with me!)
At the end of the day though, despite me feeling that I had to wear makeup at the beginning of Secondary school at the wee age of 11 and feeling less than sometimes towards the end because of my lack of makeup, I've definitely enjoyed learning about the world of makeup and I love trying out new products and I would love, one day, to have a professional do whatever they want to my hair and makeup to see what they would do with my natural face!
So yeah, wear makeup or don't. If you do more of one or the other then try going a week or two doing the opposite. I tend to not wear makeup unless I'm going out with friends or going to work so I tried doing makeup everyday for two weeks and it was tiring as hell! But yeah, you don't have to, it's just interesting to see what you feel like if/when you do. (This all goes for men too)
Here is me with and without makeup (pretty hot either way to be perfectly honest, and humble)
As always feel free to comment down below any opinions you have and let me know if you've had any weird makeup experiences!
Until next time,
Stephanie
Whilst that would be lovely, that is so not what's happening right now.
This is my honest struggle with makeup and my opinion of the silly, yet wonderful thing.
Let's go right back to where it all began, the first time I wore makeup.
The first time I wore makeup (because I thought I had to for some reason) was my first day of Year 7 so age 11. I did the makeup myself, thought I looked pretty damn fine with my sparkly brown eyeshadow and clear lipgloss and cheap mascara and to be fair, it wasn't horrible, but it also wasn't my thing, like sleep for 10 extra minutes or do my makeup... I know which one 11 year old me was choosing. So I stopped after about a week.
The next memory I have of makeup is this one girl from my year at school who caked her face in makeup to cover up spots (by this point we were about 13), but it just made her spots worse and I vowed never to wear makeup ever because I had clear skin and I didn't want to ruin it. (Now looking back I realise that judging her for wearing a lot of makeup to feel more comfortable is none of my business and totally her choice, and makeup doesn't cause spots, it's other things like not washing your face or just naturally being more prone to breakouts, but at the time I was like a right bitch, several of my now friends can testify to that fact, but more about that another time)
I don't really remember when I started wearing makeup again, it was probably at the age of 14 that I experimented with pale pink lipstick (definitely not the right colour choice) but I definitely wore makeup in the last two years of my life at secondary school and this was probably the moment I realised, truly, how difficult makeup and the social pressures of makeup really are.
On a typical day I would apply a fine cover of foundation, some cheap concealer that always clumped around my eyes, some eyeshadow, eyeliner (just the waterline pencil though, never liquid whilst in school) and mascara. Then lip balm because I wasn't a fan of lipstick at the time. I would apply all of this in the morning, go to school, come home and wipe it all off (by the end of the day there was never much left on anyway)
I began to notice that a lot of girls would bring their makeup with them and reapply it constantly throughout the day and they would sometimes ask me why I never did or sometimes didn't wear makeup at all. (even to this day I sometimes just can't be arsed with the process of applying makeup)
Here's why... I've just never cared about my face, it's there, it's always going to be there and look the way it does and yeah, sometimes I enjoy makeup, often I feel as though it's fun and makes me look fucking hot, but I also love not wearing makeup and sleeping for an extra half an hour (notice the time change) And I love being comfortable with my face, leaving the house with no makeup on makes me feel just as pretty as doing my makeup (and when I do my makeup now I usually go full out! It's so much fun!)
And I think part of me being comfortable with my own face sans makeup is that I don't judge others, I've never told someone they look tired or ill because I mistook lack of makeup for health issues (and believe me a lot of people have made that mistake with me!)
At the end of the day though, despite me feeling that I had to wear makeup at the beginning of Secondary school at the wee age of 11 and feeling less than sometimes towards the end because of my lack of makeup, I've definitely enjoyed learning about the world of makeup and I love trying out new products and I would love, one day, to have a professional do whatever they want to my hair and makeup to see what they would do with my natural face!
So yeah, wear makeup or don't. If you do more of one or the other then try going a week or two doing the opposite. I tend to not wear makeup unless I'm going out with friends or going to work so I tried doing makeup everyday for two weeks and it was tiring as hell! But yeah, you don't have to, it's just interesting to see what you feel like if/when you do. (This all goes for men too)
Here is me with and without makeup (pretty hot either way to be perfectly honest, and humble)As always feel free to comment down below any opinions you have and let me know if you've had any weird makeup experiences!
Until next time,
Stephanie
Monday, 20 July 2015
Finishing College: A Whirlwind of Emotions (Bit of a Ramble)
College is a really weird thing to wrap your head around in the UK. It's sort of a University waiting ground, a purgatory if you will. I was discussing it with one of my online American friends and she thought I was complaining about University, but College is not 18-whenever you finish your degree, here it's 16-18 and I don't know thinking about it weirds me out a little.
I'm going to break this down into sections... The first of which is called:
Friends
Let me begin by describing the positives of this aspect of college.
I discovered a great way to make friends. I walked in on my first day and met these two weirdos I now consider two of my closest friends. One of which was wearing a necklace with her name on it (this officially made her the first person ever whose name I remembered after the first time I met her) and this other girl whose graphic t-shirts brighten my day (Captain Obvious being my favourite, Lumpy Space Princess being another as it was the first t-shirt to bond me to another human being (ugh that sounds odd)) So yeah, my advice, do a quick scan of the items of clothing someone has chosen to wear on the first day of college (they usually pick it for a reason) and talk to them about it. They'll be glad you noticed and you'll have found a less awkward way to introduce yourself. BAM! I am the master of making friends (that is not true at all and I can't be held responsible for any mistakes you make)
I also made other friends, but most of my close friends remained the same as they all came to the same college as me.
The flip-side of this is that I lost one great friend to the unknown world of the college that you don't have to catch a train to. I always was quite level headed and from a very young age I knew that most of the people you meet in your life won't be your friend forever, but I, admittedly, have discovered that I am bad at keeping in contact with people. I feel weird messaging first on Facebook for fear of becoming annoying and I don't communicate well over Facebook anyway because I have a sarcastic sense of humour and that doesn't convey very well in real life (let alone on the virtual plaines)
This is where my first doubt for going to University comes in.
This September I will be leaving rainy England for even rainier North Wales. I will be attending Bangor University and the thought of being 345 miles away from my hometown scares the shit out of me! Practically all of my family live here and most, if not all, of my friends do too. On top of this the majority of people don't/aren't moving too far away from their hometowns and I feel if I had chosen somewhere closer to home then I would have felt a lot better about it.
(That being said I was going to move to Germany so North Wales is a little closer)
Depression and Anxiety
This section is definitely a little bit harder for me to write so bear with me.
During my time at college I have come face to face with the two-headed beast named Depression and Anxiety and I feel (on my stronger days) that I have conquered it, decapitated it to the point of no return, but there is (and I fear always will be) a little ghost of a whisper at the back of my mind that it could do a Jesus and resurrect itself. University is my main trigger at the moment.
Anecdote time! About a week ago I dropped my bowl of muesli and yoghurt. I never eat breakfast, but my body was craving some, so I gave into temptation and made myself this healthy food of deliciousness. When I dropped it the bowl smashed, and muesli and yoghurt splashed all over the floor and up onto the cupboards. It was at this point I decided to tiptoe around it and sit down on the one clear patch of floor and just cry! I cried and cried and cried constantly chanting in my head how I wasn't ready to be an adult or go to Uni or move out of home. (Yes I really am that pathetic ladies and gentlemen)
Of course I soon realised what I was doing and what it must have looked like and I got up, mopped the floor and cleaned the cupboards and toasted some bread (needless to say I was not in the mood for muesli anymore) and by the time my mum returned from work she was none the wiser to my little incident.
That's just one example. Another one is that I have started buying some supplies for Uni and I have boxed up some stuff and everything, and I keep it all in a closed cupboard. Everytime I look at the boxes in that cupboard I feel sick to my stomach and almost have a mini panic attack. (It's not great when it's the same cupboard my clothes are kept in and I see these boxes every morning.
On a happier note, I did talk to some people who are in Uni or are moving to Bangor like me and they all feel similar and they all seem nice so I'm hoping it'll sort itself out. (If I keep telling myself that does it go away... probs not)
Siblings
My brothers and I have always been a little bit distant from each other so when I say siblings I really mean "sibling" and most specifically, my little sister, whose relationship with me is a little bit touch and go. Like most little sisters she takes my stuff without asking and she argues with me and she drives me up the fucking wall, but like most older sisters I always end up forgiving her and we get back on track.
She is very sad about me leaving University and if you know me at all (even just by reading my other personal blog post... LINK: http://controversy-in-modesty.blogspot.co.uk/2014/06/my-relationship-with-working-mother.html?updated-min=2014-01-01T00:00:00-08:00&updated-max=2015-01-01T00:00:00-08:00&max-results=11 ) I am very nervous about leaving her at home as well, but I feel like she's handling it by being even more difficult to live with. It feels a bit like she's giving me the middle finger as I leave for 3-5 years, but what do I know? She's a teenager and she has her own problems.
That's all I really have to say on that matter, it's a massive:
? ? ?
Summer
I'm aware I haven't really discussed exams in this, but it's just because there's not much anxiety there for me, of course I'm nervous, but it feels pretty normal in it's levels at the moment so I'm leaving it be.
Summer is another mixed bag because on one hand I can finally catch up with that sleep I lost in term time, but this summer is very different to any other one I've encountered during my 18 year long stay on this planet. I have nothing to do... at all... My University hasn't given me any reading lists and my friends are all busy with family, or visiting Canada, or Scotland, or hanging out with friends who aren't me, *winky face*, (the winky face looks weird on a blog post) and work don't need me to do much overtime especially seeing as I am leaving in a month! (Yaaaassss!!!) so I have nothing to do, but sit at home and contemplate life as we know it... or as I know it... hence this random ramble post. (If you're still reading then congratulations)
On the other hand... I DON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING! And this could be one of the last times I ever get to enjoy that feeling. Once Uni starts up I'll have summer work and because I'm spending less time with friends and family from my hometown they will want to hang out. For now I'm definitely trying to enjoy my own individual peaceful relaxation time (I'm an extrovert so this si my kryptonite) before moving into halls (lord help me) (at least I have an en suite!) AND I WENT TO BERLIN WITH THREE OF MY BEST FRIENDS SO... I can't complain too much.
But yeah, Summer is both great and horrible this year. I don't know man, maybe I'm just being a spoiled teenager right now.
I think I'm going to wrap this up now because I have been typing for ages and I'm tired. (I haven't proofread this because (like the title says) this is a ramble and I just wanted to write as thoughts came to me. There is no real structure and now clear train of thought for what I have written. I hope you enjoyed it (if you even read it all)
As always, feel free to comment below anything you feel like saying!
Until next time,
Stephanie
I'm going to break this down into sections... The first of which is called:
Friends
Let me begin by describing the positives of this aspect of college.
I discovered a great way to make friends. I walked in on my first day and met these two weirdos I now consider two of my closest friends. One of which was wearing a necklace with her name on it (this officially made her the first person ever whose name I remembered after the first time I met her) and this other girl whose graphic t-shirts brighten my day (Captain Obvious being my favourite, Lumpy Space Princess being another as it was the first t-shirt to bond me to another human being (ugh that sounds odd)) So yeah, my advice, do a quick scan of the items of clothing someone has chosen to wear on the first day of college (they usually pick it for a reason) and talk to them about it. They'll be glad you noticed and you'll have found a less awkward way to introduce yourself. BAM! I am the master of making friends (that is not true at all and I can't be held responsible for any mistakes you make)
I also made other friends, but most of my close friends remained the same as they all came to the same college as me.
The flip-side of this is that I lost one great friend to the unknown world of the college that you don't have to catch a train to. I always was quite level headed and from a very young age I knew that most of the people you meet in your life won't be your friend forever, but I, admittedly, have discovered that I am bad at keeping in contact with people. I feel weird messaging first on Facebook for fear of becoming annoying and I don't communicate well over Facebook anyway because I have a sarcastic sense of humour and that doesn't convey very well in real life (let alone on the virtual plaines)
This is where my first doubt for going to University comes in.
This September I will be leaving rainy England for even rainier North Wales. I will be attending Bangor University and the thought of being 345 miles away from my hometown scares the shit out of me! Practically all of my family live here and most, if not all, of my friends do too. On top of this the majority of people don't/aren't moving too far away from their hometowns and I feel if I had chosen somewhere closer to home then I would have felt a lot better about it.
(That being said I was going to move to Germany so North Wales is a little closer)
Depression and Anxiety
This section is definitely a little bit harder for me to write so bear with me.
During my time at college I have come face to face with the two-headed beast named Depression and Anxiety and I feel (on my stronger days) that I have conquered it, decapitated it to the point of no return, but there is (and I fear always will be) a little ghost of a whisper at the back of my mind that it could do a Jesus and resurrect itself. University is my main trigger at the moment.
Anecdote time! About a week ago I dropped my bowl of muesli and yoghurt. I never eat breakfast, but my body was craving some, so I gave into temptation and made myself this healthy food of deliciousness. When I dropped it the bowl smashed, and muesli and yoghurt splashed all over the floor and up onto the cupboards. It was at this point I decided to tiptoe around it and sit down on the one clear patch of floor and just cry! I cried and cried and cried constantly chanting in my head how I wasn't ready to be an adult or go to Uni or move out of home. (Yes I really am that pathetic ladies and gentlemen)
Of course I soon realised what I was doing and what it must have looked like and I got up, mopped the floor and cleaned the cupboards and toasted some bread (needless to say I was not in the mood for muesli anymore) and by the time my mum returned from work she was none the wiser to my little incident.
That's just one example. Another one is that I have started buying some supplies for Uni and I have boxed up some stuff and everything, and I keep it all in a closed cupboard. Everytime I look at the boxes in that cupboard I feel sick to my stomach and almost have a mini panic attack. (It's not great when it's the same cupboard my clothes are kept in and I see these boxes every morning.
On a happier note, I did talk to some people who are in Uni or are moving to Bangor like me and they all feel similar and they all seem nice so I'm hoping it'll sort itself out. (If I keep telling myself that does it go away... probs not)
Siblings
My brothers and I have always been a little bit distant from each other so when I say siblings I really mean "sibling" and most specifically, my little sister, whose relationship with me is a little bit touch and go. Like most little sisters she takes my stuff without asking and she argues with me and she drives me up the fucking wall, but like most older sisters I always end up forgiving her and we get back on track.
She is very sad about me leaving University and if you know me at all (even just by reading my other personal blog post... LINK: http://controversy-in-modesty.blogspot.co.uk/2014/06/my-relationship-with-working-mother.html?updated-min=2014-01-01T00:00:00-08:00&updated-max=2015-01-01T00:00:00-08:00&max-results=11 ) I am very nervous about leaving her at home as well, but I feel like she's handling it by being even more difficult to live with. It feels a bit like she's giving me the middle finger as I leave for 3-5 years, but what do I know? She's a teenager and she has her own problems.
That's all I really have to say on that matter, it's a massive:
? ? ?
Summer
I'm aware I haven't really discussed exams in this, but it's just because there's not much anxiety there for me, of course I'm nervous, but it feels pretty normal in it's levels at the moment so I'm leaving it be.
Summer is another mixed bag because on one hand I can finally catch up with that sleep I lost in term time, but this summer is very different to any other one I've encountered during my 18 year long stay on this planet. I have nothing to do... at all... My University hasn't given me any reading lists and my friends are all busy with family, or visiting Canada, or Scotland, or hanging out with friends who aren't me, *winky face*, (the winky face looks weird on a blog post) and work don't need me to do much overtime especially seeing as I am leaving in a month! (Yaaaassss!!!) so I have nothing to do, but sit at home and contemplate life as we know it... or as I know it... hence this random ramble post. (If you're still reading then congratulations)
On the other hand... I DON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING! And this could be one of the last times I ever get to enjoy that feeling. Once Uni starts up I'll have summer work and because I'm spending less time with friends and family from my hometown they will want to hang out. For now I'm definitely trying to enjoy my own individual peaceful relaxation time (I'm an extrovert so this si my kryptonite) before moving into halls (lord help me) (at least I have an en suite!) AND I WENT TO BERLIN WITH THREE OF MY BEST FRIENDS SO... I can't complain too much.
But yeah, Summer is both great and horrible this year. I don't know man, maybe I'm just being a spoiled teenager right now.
I think I'm going to wrap this up now because I have been typing for ages and I'm tired. (I haven't proofread this because (like the title says) this is a ramble and I just wanted to write as thoughts came to me. There is no real structure and now clear train of thought for what I have written. I hope you enjoyed it (if you even read it all)
As always, feel free to comment below anything you feel like saying!
Until next time,
Stephanie
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)